Thursday, 27 December 2001

I miss you, Dad. I love you.

Wednesday, 19 December 2001

Hmm ok so anyway... the week is a little stressful apart from the normal holiday miss my father aspect of it. It started on Saturday when I went out with my friend who wants to be more than just friends to a movie. And then to see Lee Rocker, former Stray Cat(s), at the Ivy Room. And I had fun and it was cool. And then he got out of the car with an attitude and I wasn't sure why. So I called the next day and he was like "well I think I need to disappear for a while" because he likes me romantically and I "don't see how good (he's) treating (me)" and it is painful to him he says. He was my good friend and the only problem is I don't want to sleep with him. And it looks like that is all he wants. Well isn't that nice. So I could not deal with that conversation for the thousandth time, not this fucking month, so I hung up on him. And turned off the ringer. And I don't know much except you can't force yourself to feel something you don't feel no matter how "nice" a person treats you. And maybe that is being a bitch but at least it is being honest.

Then at work ... well Ana doesn't work there anymore. Which just sucks. I love Ana and it will not be the same without her. OK I don't even want to be detailed because Eric, my boss, told me the other day that he had been reading this. Which is kinda weird in a way... so Eric if you wanted any juicy details, you won't find them here, sorry man. But the strange thing was that today was otherwise a very fun day because everybody woke up on the silly side of the bed, or something... and we have the Xmas party Friday... but I can't help feeling weird because of Ana. But what can ya do, eh? Me, not much. OK gotta go because I want to find the definition of iconoclast. Because I was called an iconoclast... by my therapist, mind you, so it can't be an insult. The way she described it was really cool, actually.

A final note: was it Dante or perhaps Jan Brady that defined Hell as proximity without intimacy? It does ring true, though, doesn't it?
OK last time I tried this there was a problem and I lost a whole bunch of stuf I typed so let's just see...

Friday, 14 December 2001

shit guess so... well I will try again tomorrow
oh what the hell, man my computer is tripping did I just type all that for nothing?

Wednesday, 12 December 2001

The other day I saw "Little Nicky", Adam Sandler's latest, and I thought man that is the stupidest piece of crap I have seen in a long time. But now... there is some fuckin' thing on called "Don't Tell Her It's Me" with *gag* Steve Guttenberg and *blech* Jami Gertz. Oh man, it's got Nicky beat hands down. Guttenberg is a recovering cancer patient with crazy prosthetic makeup (no hair) and his sister or somethin' (Shelley Long, regretting leaving "Cheers" at this point, no doubt) is trying to fix him up with Gertz who took one look at him and was like "ooh uh-uh". So then they are trying to make him over so he looks like some kind of stud. And what's the first thing they do? Give him a freakin' mullet, the likes of which haven't been seen since Billy Ray Cyrus (actually this was like 1990 so maybe it's where he got the achy breaky idea). Just beautiful... This film makes me long for the sublime wit of "Short Circuit". And I almost mean that sincerely...

Thursday, 6 December 2001

Holy crap... LOL someone told me to look up Melanie Griffith I don't know but that is pretty kooky.

Tuesday, 4 December 2001

By the way oh ma ga what am I like fifteen years old? Cute... guy...swoon...YEEEECH
Monday I was walking to work and I thought hmm... my skirt feels funny, like it's slipping... suddenly it was around my ankles. Luckily I was across the street from the corner where my work is and even more lucky was the fact that I was wearing an emormous coat. But people still noticed as I hopped across the street.

To make me feel better my friend Anthony confessed that he had been playing X-BOX the night before, one of those games where I forget how you call it but you have the perspective of the character you are being... like you only see their hand and gun or whatever. Well Anthony had it on in surround sound... he was playing and suddenly he heard gunshots behind him so he ducked. And then realized it was only the game.

I was realizing I must be lonesome for a guy. I was realizing this because I was sitting there watching some show about of all things Limp Bizkit, and suddenly I was all swoony over Fred Durst. Icky!! Okey-doke... time to find a fella...

Sunday, 18 November 2001

So I made it to the Misfits show despite the stupid foot incident and I had a good time. Within the first few songs, they played "Hybrid Moments" and "Some Kinda Hate" which I was hoping to hear but not expecting to. So that was cool. (And Marky Ramone was there so they played a bunch of Ramones songs as well.) Jerry Only was cool because he seemed like he was genuinely having a good time, as opposed to some bands where the singer seems to have nothing but contempt for the audience. He was pointing and waving to the crowd... so much so that I felt embarassed in a weird way, like oh my God he can see me, ack!
I felt kinda bad when he sang a few of their newer (i.e. post-Danzig) songs, and the crowd was suddenly unenthused. That must be frustrating. It's shitty how some people are critical of them for continuing on or for being more metal than punk or whatever. I mean if you could make your living being in a band and that was what u like to do I don't think it is "selling out" to do so. My pet peeve is people talking about :selling out" geez get over it. Anyway at the end of the show he signed autographs and I was able to get one and escape relatively unscathed apart from being covered in other peoples sweat. Here is a scan of the autograph... I think he should just continue as the lead singer because what is the point in finding another one? He sounded good. They could be a three-piece. And hopefully Doyle will come back. And Doyle is friggin' cute. But anyhoo...

We saw Marcus's friend Valerie, who I really like, and who had for us some really depressing photos of last New Year's Eve... I'm thinkin' this year I'll make it a Dick Clark New Year's Rockin' Eve and stay at home.

While I was puttering around scanning photos into the computer, I had on Britney Spears Live From Las Vegas in the background, out of curiousity, and it looked like soft-core porn. She groped herself and gasped orgasmically and then feigned emotion while she talked about how proud she is of all Americans in the wake of September 11th. Then she said "Ooh I feel better, I just needed to get that off my chest". Oops, I'm Turning the Channel.

Wednesday, 14 November 2001

Bloody hell...

Since I was a kid, I will pick at scabs and pull at skin and Mom was always saying "you better stop that or you'll get a nice infection" oh yeah Ma, whatever... self-inflicted bleeding from time to time over a period of 27 years. Yeah uh huh it's all good. Then yesterday, I get a nice infection. I don't know why she calls it nice, but holy shit Ma, you were right. Top of the world, Ma... I had the stupid poison blood line beginning to crawl up my foot (it was started on the sole) yikes... the Dr poked around, cut it open "hmm, maybe you better go to emergency, I'm no foot surgeon" what-what-what? And then he is all "i hope they don't have to do anything dramatic" aren't Dr's supposed to say soothing things? So then I go and the nurse-guy says something like they have to pack it... whatever that means... but then the ER doc comes in and goes, oh well there is nothing to be drained because the infection has gone into the tissue. (d'oh!) And then he goes "best thing is to treat it with antibiotics" (woo-hoo!) I was just so glad he wasn't gonna numb it and cut around in it some more, it was so weird the vaguely scratchy feeling, like shouldn't this be hurting but no it's like paper is tearing or something unconnected. So anyhow he sent me packing with a prescription, crutches and a note to excuse me from work. I was worried I would end up missing the Misfits concert Saturday but so far it seems to be getting better.

So bottom line is sometimes Mom Is Right.

Tuesday, 6 November 2001

Today my friend Anthony says "You smell."

And I'm like wha... thinkin' I'm like sweaty B.O. , I didn't fart or anything... "I stink?"

"No, no- you smell like lotion or something. No, it smells good"


Monday, 29 October 2001

Well I just posted my pictures of my Halloween costume on my home page. I would link or post one right here but I forget how and I am damn lazy. I was going to email one of the photos like a Halloween greeting but I tried it and it didn't work. Curse my online provider.

Me and Marcus got tickets for the Misfits, MISFITS- woo-hoo! Well really it's only Jerry Only (whoa, did that make sense?) but he'll do a few of the old tunes... plus there is Marky Ramone and Robo from Black Flag. Kind of like a punk rock version of Ringo and his All-Starr Band. We have to go down to Anaheim for the show. So maybe we could go to Disneyland??? We are seeing a few of his friends in San Diego the night before. Hopefully his friend Valerie could cut my hair. Or curl it or something. It is boring me. I change my hair often like Madonna. Not because I aspire to be like Madonna or anything, I'm just fickle about it.

Anyway...HAPPY HALLOWEEN pretty soon. I don't know how well that costume is gonna fly at work. Kinda shows a lot of boobie.

Monday, 22 October 2001

I had a really fun time at Ana's on Saturday. Lo and behold, a fun weekend. Just hangin' around.

Today at work the atmosphere was....uh...mass hysteria! Eric is not there and then everybody flips out. I think he is afraid of becoming expendable so he doesn't train anybody else to cover his duties. And then, apart from everyone pulling their hair out going "what do I do?" there is this palpable sense of "let's all just screw around all day". Anthony must have crept up behind me about 4 times. And I didn't even hear him. And then all of a sudden he is whispering in my ear and I am jumping out of my skin. and holy shit just now I was attacked by my frickin' computer. It always pops up this thing about "do you want to watch the Windows Media blah blah blah tutorial" and usually I'm like "later" but this time it was all "hey hey" and the damn thing just started playing and I couldn't make it stop for like a couple minutes. It's like showing families and crap and what I am actually listening to in the background is all "die die die, my darling..." makes an interesting video. I guess.

Friday, 19 October 2001

Well tomorrow a BBQ with Ana.

Today I was feeling blue.

So anyway I thought "why not try to write?"

And now, I'm thinkin' "why bother?"

My story has become tiresome, now is the time on "Sprockets" when we dance!

Oooh everybody Drew Barrymore diary on MTV. She seems like a nice gal.

Yesterday I tried on a corset, a leather dominatrix type thingy. It belongs to my friend, Lisa. It is for use under my Vampira costume. I tried it at work and wore it for a while. With it real tight I had bizarre Barbie sort of proportions. And felt taller, for some reason. A little looser, and it was comfortable. It kind of supported my lower back and made my posture nicer. It was pretty cool. About three coworkers felt compelled to grab me by the waist. That livened up my boring Thursday.

Wednesday, 17 October 2001

So now I finally have my very own computer. With free AOL. Not to sure about this AOL. Everything looks tiny. Or maybe it's my screen.

Monday, 15 October 2001

Well I was wondering what the band Anthrax was thinking these days, in light of recent events. "If an Anthrax member gets Anthrax, call Alanis Morissette. That would be ironic. Don't you think?" Hey yeah they're still a barrel of laughs. Even without the damned Bermuda shorts, or whatever. This was my favorite band when I was about 15.

They won't give me the freakin' day off during the week. Shit! Maybe it's time to explore other options or somethin' like that.

Hung out with my friend Cleo on Saturday. Posed for our 1st picture together since we were about 17. I'll post it when I get it developed, maybe. Ya know, then and now... that sorta thing.

Saturday, 6 October 2001

Well. I haven't been very into using the computer or even writing at all lately. Between work and unpacking and moving furniture and being stressed out, I have only had the energy to stare blankly at the TV screen. And usually I am watching 'Match Game PM' for some reason. Whatever happened to Charles Nelson Reilly? Man, you gotta love that Game Show Network.

The only thing I'm kinda sorta looking forward to right now is Halloween. I'm going as Vampira.

I am going to ask at work if I can go ahead and work on Saturdays and have a day off during the week. Because that way I would have one less day of a crowded commute and one day with the house to myself. Which might be the key to preserving my sanity at this point.

It won't matter about missing a Saturday, it's not like I have had any really great dates lately and a lot of guys work on the weekends too, and stuff. What the hell kind of sentence structure was that? What am I, 8 years old all of a sudden? Probably the most annoying thing about going out with guys at this point is it is making me think about the-person-I-formerly-thought-I-was-over. What are you doing popping up in my brain again, damn it. It probably doesn't help that I am staying friends with Marcus. I mean it isn't fair to Marcus at all but he makes me think about Todd more often than I would if I didn't have him for a friend. Which is stupid and so annoying. I guess the Todd was really the first time I had ever been really in love. Because I have never been so stupid and hung-up and lame in regard to a guy otherwise. I was actually glad that when we saw the Damned they didn't play any songs from 'Strawberries' because that album really makes me think of Todd. That, Creedence, and John Denver (don't ask...). Maybe I am thinking of him again just because now is a sad time in everybody's lives, not just mine. And it is making me lonesome for him. And I am missing my Dad a lot, too, and wondering what he would've thought about all this.

Wednesday, 19 September 2001

What a fucking world we live in. I'm sorry I don't have words to say that more eloquently but what an ugly fucking world.

I haven't been able to write due to moving and now I don't even know what to say. Every little regular concern that I've had just seem so petty in light of everything else that is going on.

My mother is worried about me working in San Francisco since it is a major city, and I figured well that's her being overly protective. But then my brother-in-law starts saying the same thing. But what is the point in being scared. I go to pick up the mail at the TransAmerica building and it's so weird, you can only go in through the one entrance and there's security guards right at the door. You have to sign in and out. BART has at least 2 cops at every station. Shit, we went to fuckin' Chevy's and there were police in there. It is just so surreal. And it's freaking everybody out.

Tuesday, 4 September 2001


we are going to move in two weeks
I have had enough moving to last two lifetimes

the person I thought was different was actually the same, if that's vague enough. I am feeling too jaded to be excited about anything (or anyone) these days.

It is difficult to write when I am in such a pissy mood.
i'M WHINING like a whiny little beee-otch and i didn't mean to press the caps lock button a second ago. Double doodoo.

Sooo anyways.

Tuesday, 21 August 2001

OOer good news. The Damned are coming! And I am going to see them. Woo-haa!
And then, the following Sunday... gimme gimme gimme some Motorhead!
September will be a mighty fine month for some rock n' roll!

Sunday, 19 August 2001


I was just looking at somebody elses blog, one that was called favorite quotes or somethin'. They were making a list of ten things that piss them off and one was people who point at their wrist when they ask what time it is. They were all "yeah I know where my watch is, where the hell is yours? I don't point at my crotch when I'm asking where the bathroom is." Ha, well that made me laugh. Probably because I am a wrist pointer.

Oh, but I'm tired. I was going to write something in particular and now I can't remember what. Yesterday I went to the beach. Holy shit it actually felt like summer. I'm not making sense. And the last couple times I wrote I was rambling by the looks of it. I'm a ramblin' guy (gal) isn't that some Steve Martin thing? Back when he was Mr Arrow-through-the-head ? I'm gonna stop now. I have no point today.

Thursday, 16 August 2001


why do i get all paranoid that PEOPLE I KNOW are reading my shit and it's WEIRDING THEM OUT?
will now refrain from talking about anything semi-personal unless being very vague. How's that?
am I boring? what possesses me to write this shit? it's kinda egotistical to write this and presume that anyone would care to read it and yet... well... i'm neurotic as hell, i wish i were more egotistical. It would be nice to be confident. SHIT wouldn't it? I don't really know. I work for a someone that has oodles of pictures of HERSELF up in her office, I mean not only group photos but lots of HERSELF by HERSELF I cant grasp liking a picture of myself so much that i would put one up by my desk for myself and everyone else to see every stinking day. that trips me out. that is one healthy self image. it must be a good rare thing to have. I remember me and Ena used to laugh at that show "Moonlighting" because the chick Maddie had a wall covered with pictures of herself. We were like "oh mah gah getoverit!" and now i work for Maddie and I guess I'm Miss Depesto and what I want to know is where the fuck is David Addison? because i could use a cute smirking sumnamabitch rightaboutnow

although i have pictures on my website... why would i presume to think that anyone cares

i'm flipping out... I hope that Louise is alright. if i can wish one thing for the whole year or forever let Louise be alright right now because i can't take any more

Saturday, 11 August 2001

I am confused by this pretty new template... why are the times like a link but then they just come back to where you were before? plz plz tell me now, is there something I should know?
"Good times come and good times go... I only wish the good times would last a little longer" -Social Distortion.
It's the story of my life too, I guess. Lately I am falling into a depression for no apparent reason. It's not like sadness about my father or something that happened but rather that irritating feeling of I can't get out of bed, I can't do anything right. Pissing and moaning. Which I thought I had passed for good but I guess it's never really completely gone. And it is extremely frustrating. It is making me start to hate my job... there is nothing creative about my job and it sucks up so much of my energy that I'm unable to do anything creative in my spare time. I just feel dazed. And I feel kinda overwhelmed with being social, I am just not a very social person and I am forced into it by the nature of my job. And then with staying with my mother... it's like I never get any time to myself. I wish I could afford to live alone again. And the other thing is I have a particular friend that is phoning me so much and I am not real into talking on the fuckin' phone all the time. And it makes me feel mean but it's like have a purpose for calling, don't just be all "what's up? what are you doing? I'm bored" I can't deal with that at this point. And I love her but all the calling is just becoming intrusive to me. I don't feel a need to be talking non-stop and I always fall in with people who do or people who get all neurotic about not being out doing something. No one ever understands that I like to write or that sometimes I would prefer to be by myself whether at home or going out for a movie or something. It drives me fuckin' crazy. It's like my last roomate, she couldn't sit still for five minutes and she always had to have a couple guys at least to string along just so that her phone would ring. I don't get it. This is what is nice so far about Erik, who I've been seeing real casually. He has plenty of shit that he likes to do and he likes to be by himself too and he only calls if he has a reason for calling. And the times that we hang out we are able to shut up sometimes and it's not awkward or anything. It's like what Mia is saying in "Pulp Fiction" about being able to comfortably share silence. Which is cool. I'm glad that I decided to get in touch with Erik because I almost didn't bother, I almost said fuck it, I don't want to date another musician. But he seems different and besides I already realize that anyone who is in a band will always always put that first. And at this point that's fine with me. It is cool to be seeing a guy where we are attracted to each other but neither one of us is all desperate for a commitment or anything. You know what drives me crazy though about going to see bands is I always think what fun it would be to sing. But I don't think I can sing very good. Actually my friend Cleo was talking about making a girl band that covers a famous band. Like Hell's Belles or AC/Dshe or whatever that is. I think that's two different bands? Or is it one and they had changed their name? Hmm... anyway I was thinking if I could sing in one I would looove to sing in one that did Misfits covers. OOh that would pull me out of my depressed slump. (for now I have decided to start exercising like a madman. that's supposed to improve your mood. couldn't hurt)

Sunday, 5 August 2001

"I put on some make-up, turn on the 8-track..." I've just seen "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" yesterday and that song from it is kicking around in my brain non-stop.

The weekend went as follows... on Friday our month-end party at work was postponed to Monday (there's a real party night for ya) so instead I hung out with my friend Ana. Which is cool because usually she goes home early on Fridays (lucky her). Then when I got home I drew for a while, which was nice because I haven't been drawing lately.

Yesterday I went to the movies and to a pub with Marcus. He was nice to me. Lately he's been kinda funny toward me because he knows I've been going out with someone. But he managed to put that aside yesterday and for that I'm grateful.

Today involved house-painting, yelling (not by me) and stress (for everyone involved). Would rather not go into the details as they are pretty stupid. Then tonight, my friend Cleo e-mailed me... she got tickets for Tool so I am going with her Friday. She has a friend she was wanting to fix me up with but... I like the person I'm seeing. Even though we've only been out a couple times. It's just been cool, it's nice to take it slow, this is the first person I have dated that I did not know from work or school or being a friend-of-a-friend. Maybe you're supposed to date more than one person at the same time at the beginning but it seems like a confusing hassle. Well what do I know about anything, anyway. . So anyhow... blah. I'm rambling. I'm going Mariah Carey all of a sudden. Ok that's mean to say but I feel entitled to be able to be wise-ass about shit like that. Just because in my early twenties I was involved in a very unhealthy relationship and I had to chill out for a while, too. So, Mariah, girl- I can't stand your music but I relate to you more now than I did when you were Miss Married-an-old-guy-to-further-her-career, dumped-him-and-started-dressing-like-a-stank-ho. Now you're Miss Various-and-sundry-shrinks-are-throwing-meds-at-you-by-the-handful. I've been there, girly. It sucks, eh?

Thursday, 2 August 2001

it took me like twenty minutes to link this new template to my old archives and when i did the index page came out all screwy!!!
need to figure this out later, too tired to think anymore *yawn* goodnight!
Holy crap what a week!

I get a new desk at work... my reception duties are officially over! I can know actually do what I'm supposed to be doing. Oh shit, my excuse for procrastination is at an end. Tomorrow is our month-end party. Should be cool.

I am digging the new free templates!

Monday, 30 July 2001

Don't Drink Coffee After Dinner- A Cautionary Tale

Recently, I met a very sweet guy that I was interested in. We were about to go on our second date. Unfortunately my body conspired against me and caused me embarrassment like I have never known before.

Erik lives about 45 minutes away from me. Our plans were to go to a movie. He has picked me up for our last date, so I decided to meet him in his neighborhood this time. I went to his house and he cooked me dinner. All was going well…and then I made the big mistake. I drank coffee. Then we went for a walk. A long walk. Uphill, might I add.

We got back, and we were getting ready to go to the movie. My stomach made the dreaded rumble that can only mean whatever you ate is going to soon make a hasty exit. I didn’t want to have diarrhea at his house. I figured I could hold it until the movie theater (everyone else is always stinking up public restrooms so why should I be any different?). We headed out. “Oh, look at the time,” said Erik, “we’re 20 minutes from the theater, I don’t think we are going to make it.” I don’t think I’m going to make it, I thought, and my stomach gurgled in reply. We drove on for a moment, and noticed that the same movie was also playing at a theater right down the block, unbeknownst to us and also Moviefone, apparently. It was playing one hour later. Erik got tickets. He said we could go back to his house and hang out a while longer. “Um…” I said, (uuuurgh, I was thinking) “I feel a little nauseous, could be stop somewhere and get a Sprite or something?” Erik said sure, then added, “I hope it wasn’t my cooking.” Poor guy. It was the damn coffee and my nerves.

We stopped at a 7-11. D’oh! I had been hoping for somewhere with a bathroom. Then I noticed a pizza joint next store. A chorus of Handel’s “Messiah” sounded in my head. I told Erik that I was going to go in and use their restroom because I felt like I was going to throw up (somehow that seemed less unpleasant than telling him the truth). So I snuck into their restroom. Full on traveler’s type ‘rhea. At least that is over with, I thought unknowingly.

We drove back to Erik’s house. I started up the stairs and felt dizzy. “Oh man, I think I’m going to puke!” I said (for real this time). “It’s okay,” Erik said, “you can throw up over their if you need to” (right there being over the side of the porch and into the bushes). “Okay,” I said, “YAAAAAARRRRRRK!” And up came the remains of the nice dinner he cooked for me. He went inside. Oh man, he is hating me, I thought. He came back with a cold washrag that he placed on my forehead, and he put his arm around me. He looked at me very earnestly and asked if I had an eating disorder.

We went inside and I felt so dumb. “I’m really embarrassed,” I said. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be embarrassed.” He asked if I wanted tea or anything. I didn’t. I went to lie down. He put the TV on with no sound. Erik got out his guitar and played me a little song. “Don’t be embarrassed…” he sang, “we all get a little sick sometimes…it happens to the best of us…especially when ‘NSYNC is on the TV…” My stomach hurt when I laughed.

Prior to this, we had only shared one quick goodnight kiss. I figured that after this little adventure, there would be no kissing for the ol’ gal tonight. But happily, later on (after the movie and me brushing my teeth) I got a proper kiss. So I guess, as they say, all’s well that ends well. Although, I couldn’t help thinking of that quote from Wayne’s World: “If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours. But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.”

Sunday, 22 July 2001

how come this is posting and not publishing? aiee the computer is freakin' out... by the way I found out that my website will make make a computer crash if it isn't a super fast one like the one I'm borrowing right now.... that's becuase I put way too much stuff on each page, I guess. Oh well, who's lookin' at it anyway? okay, let's see if this publishes now...
Met a guy, went on a date. He is really cool and I had a great time. I can't figure it out...what have I done right?

Monday, 16 July 2001

Currently functioning on three hours of sleep...

ooohwee the process! my favorite... i shit you not. Met Troy, who is the lead singer, briefly. He remembered me from their last show, I think because I'm the dope that knows all the words... the Rats were there too... who needs Grant? I liked 'em with Darrin as the singer. Also for the first time I saw the Angry Amputees... heard the name, was like "hmm" saw that the bass player actually was an amputee... so it's not just a clever name (Wayne Campbell:"the Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?" Meatloaf:"they suck")[why is it that I relate almost everything to some movie? I am nuts] Anyhooo they were cool.

The second Jamie at work lasted approximately 4 days. Evil Jamie reigns supreme *maniacal laughter* But really, she seemed alright... what is up with my workplace???

Friday, 13 July 2001

Shit I am always writing on Fridays... I just looked back and realized that. Some might say I have no life. I have one, I just don't want it that much.
*GOOD NEWS* in form of what looked like *bad news* came to me via e-mail. {insert ex-boyfriend's band name here} BACK FROM EUROPEAN TOUR it said, more or less (had stupid uses of the f-word... "Califucknia"? that's not a good pun even. It's a good word when used properly like fuck you or fuck, I'm bored or fuck! I missed the BART train. But not in the form of a stupid pun how obnoxious.) [I think it should be obvious that I'm exhausted right now and rambling on incessantly and MUST BE STOPPED!] The point being that I thought aw, crap what if {he's} at the show Sunday? But I read further and they are in Fresno Sunday rotflmao! And by the way, what the fuck am I doing on their mailing list!
Where am I on a Friday night? Home in front of the computer! But really I don't feel social. Sometimes I hate being around people, I'm around people all damn day. My friend, he gets depressed if he is not out and around other people. Me, I get depressed being around people. I am sick of them all!!! Just kidding, but I don't like to go out every night on the weekend. And I'm going out Sunday. Sooo today I'm writing and it is a relief from listening to people talk.

Man I am stressed out at work. Lots of new stuff to learn and lots of old stuff I'm getting behind on in the process. (speaking of The Process... Sunday sunday sunday! See them shake hands with the Devil as they roar through the gates of Hell! *I think that's an old monster truck spoof from David Letterman*)

Oh well the point I was beginning to make was work= woowee! We are getting some dorks for job applcants. First there was a Todd. My boss Eric hired the Todd on the spot. Next day the Todd calls and says he only wants to work there if he can make 15 bucks an hour. Fat chance. He didn't even have another job offer or anything. What a re-Todd. Then we had this chick coming in for an interview that called in to cancel, she got scared and sweaty driving on the bridge. And she tells Eric this! I thought I had problems! So we hire another Jamie, and I'm sure she doesn't want to be called #2 so I said it breaks down like this: she is good and I am EVIL. EVIL JAMIE. Then this fool comes in today, I'm just getting back from break so he rides up in the elevator. "So tell me, is it pretty chill working here?" he's this young hipster guy. Oh yeah, chill is just how I'd describe it...NOT! I think chill is my least favorite adjective, unless it has "ed" on the end and is describing white wine. Then I hear him telling Eric he wants 16 bucks an hour. Where are these people getting their delusions? Or are people hiring for the stuff I'm doing and offering that much? I wouldn't mind that! Shit!

Oh yeah Socal Distortion was a good show. The band was cool anyway, I could have done without the stupid frat boys spilling beer all over and it smelled like a gymnasium in there. And then this guy comes out of the pit with no shirt and bumps into me as though I might enjoy having another person's perspiration coating my arm. I sound prissy but it's been a long time since I was in the middle of a crowd like that. Smaller clubs have less of a sweaty-frat-boy factor. Although there was that time at Connelly's when Oppressed Logic was playing and some kook jumped up on a table and started whacking off. At least that was funny though. To me, anyway, but I don't get out much, like I was saying before.

Saturday, 7 July 2001

Well... seeing Social Distortion tomorrow
The Process is coming next week, and all is right with my world.

Friday I ran in to some poor chump that my former roomate used to string along (her preferred method of "courting"). I was all "aren't you John?" because he was staring and I thought that he already recognized me or somethin'. "yeah" "you went out with my roomate, T******" "uhhhh I think you have the wrong John" "no I swear to god this is where she met you" (a bouncer at a club, he is) "uhhh" (embarassed) "yeah John you were at our house... she got mad because I was talking to you about collecting action figures" "oh yeah, your hair is different" (he couldn't back out at this point poor guy and then I was sorry for him that I'd even brought it up.

Just noticed I'm in the Yahoo! search engine, but mainly if you type real specific things like kookychick252 or this chick is off her rocker. Or unladen swallow production. Someone might type unladen swallow for the hell of it. But I doubt it. What am I doing typing this? I've had barely any sleep I should be resting. "My... God... woman!" my nephew might say, in a Mayor Quimby voice (which is basically a Kennedy voice, huh?) My nephew is a crack up. I wish I saw him and Chrissy more.

Friday, 29 June 2001

Whenever I log in to Blogger I realize how lame my blog is, layout wise, and also notice that my website seems quite cobbled together compared to almost anyone else's. Also I write long and only semi-coherent sentences. I must take some kind of classes in HTML and stuff. If only there were more hours in the day.

Actually, if only I was more energetic during the existing hours of the day. After work I am pretty much wiped out. And, oh joy, BART may be on strike next week. How to commute to SF without the dumb train? Dumb ferry, maybe. But that would mean going to Marin first... eh, why worry now. Don't count yer transit employees until they strike. Or something.

Oh the band I luuuurve is coming to SF soon. The Process. But I have already devoted lots of space within my website to salivating over them like a dog when Pavlov rings a bell. So I shall refrain.

Saturday or Sunday I'm gonna have to see "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" on the big screen. So that I might bond with my fellow geeks. We're like Trekkies but with phony accents. I can see it now, mouthing the words "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government..." I don't mind too much, being a dork. Better than being someone who is all fake and running around pretending to be cool and so above everyone else. Piss off, the lot of you! Python forever!!! Better than Prozac.

Speaking of Prozac, can I just say how disgusted I am with the general assumption that any problem can be made better by deadening yourself with stupid fucking Prozac and Effexor and Depakote (though I was a bit fond of Ativan, bit too fond, actually). I know it helps some people but, shit! Er. I once saw Susan Sarandon on a show, probably Baba Wawa, where she told of how she had a kind of breakdown in her early twenties. She said that she thinks that is something a lot of people go through at that age, where you're realizing that life sucks more than you were expecting it to, and she thought that it was not necessarily a good idea to just throw a bunch of prescriptions at a person to make it better. And I said amen to that, girlfriend. U go girl!

How come sometimes I add a picture and it shows up once but not later??? Why does it all have to be so confusing????

'kay I'm done complaining.

Oh I saw this bizarre show last night on VH1 where these bands that just do covers come on and it's like a game show and the judges tell them what song to play. Any song they feel like saying. And sometimes they request a song in a different style, Celine Dion song heavy metal style or something like that. It was so crappy I couldn't take my eyes off it. It was nearly as interesting as when the Zappa's had that show on USA, I think it was called Happy Hour. I used to watch that and I would mention it to other people and they would look at my like I was nutty. That was kind of a game show too, there were stupid categories like one where you identify a kind of candy bar by looking at a photo of a cross section of it. And Dweezil would play the guitar, Ahmet would sing, large-breasted women would dance. There were no rules and the prizes were dumb. It was like Sabado Gigante in English. I loved that show. I was all over that show like white on rice. I also wish Cartoon Planet was still on. There is nothing better to watch when you're overly tired than something that is just a bit asinine.

Well crap, I'm making up for not writing in a while by writing a huge amount. Hey, I'm overly tired, and this is a bit asinine... Bang ZOoom yeah baby! Oh by the way, I hate BIG BROTHER, I politely watched that awful show with my ex-roomate in an attempt to bond with her and that show was to me like nails on a frickin' blackboard and I wanted to punch that older chubby guy that kinda flipped out and started dying his hair, punch him in the neck. At least the one legged guy won, I am very pro one-legged guys since my late father was himself a one-legged guy. But my point is that show was asinine and I HATED IT and so I guess it all depends. The reason I thought of it was I saw an commercial about a second one. Just what this world needs.

Friday, 15 June 2001

Pissings and Moanings are brought to you by:

Bleh! Ate gross food. So grossed out.

How again to show pictures on here... forgot. Need to learn HTML, err.

My mother read some of the story I was writing. She liked it. That's cool I guess. Now I feel, well, less anonymous. That pretty well sucks.

Feeling censored and weirded out all of a sudden. Wanting to shout out those 7 words, you know the George Carlin ones?

Aieee here's a quote I liked :


Crap I forgot. And I can't find where I wrote it. It was a quote of Steven Wright. Something like "It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as an example to other people."

Ooh feeling stifled. Ewww

Monday, 11 June 2001

Hey that picture did work, now I've forgotten the code, though... Also I'm very disturbed that a Yahoo ad pops up on my weblog... I wonder how to get rid of that. Had a fun weekend. Friday Marcus and I went to Bottom of the Hill, they were having 1974 night. Local bands covering old tunes like Rock the Boat, Kung Fu Fighting, Strutter... my favorites were Now I'm Here and Fox on the Run. It was cheesy and fun. Afterward, for some inane reason, I thought it would be a kick to lean out of Marcus's car window and yell "I am a golden god!" like in "Almost Famous". A couple people cheered. Most though I was nuts. Then I said dammit, I want to go to a nudie bar. I have never been to one and I wondered exactly what it was like. For God's sake, my mother had been to see Carol Doda! And look at me... all I know is what I've seen in the movies. So we went. It is not like the movies at all. This gal was topless and you know what? People weren't even paying attention! They were just sitting there, blah blah blah. Also she didn't have big fake boobs or anything. Hers were smaller than mine! I went to the nudie bar and went home with a healthy self-image! Brilliant!

Tuesday, 5 June 2001

PS: the website where the stupid messages were posted appears to be offline now... guess they're doing something about it. HEy, know what tastes pretty good? Rum and Sunny Delight!!!

Thursday, 31 May 2001

Still haven't quite mustered up the energy to post review on Epinions, overwhelmed with the amount of choices. So impressed with others' writing there and at that I feel extremely self-conscious about my own!!! However I have recieved a couple of complementary e-mails that truly brightened my day. Good old me, ever-seeking approval.

Another bright spot for me this week occured on BART. It was commute time, packed, lots of people standing. A seat opened up equally near to me and another woman. I eyeballed it, nearly took it, thought "well I have been sitting on my ass all day", said to the woman "would you like to sit there?". Astonished, she said "If you wouldn't mind..." I really felt like she was utterly surprised and it felt nice to be unselfish. I always find that stuff like "random acts of kindness" sounds real cornball, but there is an element of truth in it. The woman smiled at me real big later on when I was exiting the train. It's nice to think that though she may never see me again she might recall me as the daffy broad with the big honkin' tattoo who was polite to her at commute time.

Saturday, 26 May 2001

Unfortunately my nephew's band's first gig was cancelled because their bass player flaked. Actually my nephew sounded a bit relieved about the whole thing, I guess he didn't really feel ready yet. They will have another chance next month.
Found another site to write on, Epinions. You can review movies, cd's, whatever. I did my part for The Process, gave their album a good review. (I am such a big Process WHORE). Hopefully it doesn't let the label know that a review was posted... don't really want to hear from my old employer, lol. I would have given The Rats a shout out, but they didn't seem to be on there. I was all filled with delusions of grandeur like I'm gonna review this and this and this then I sat down to do so and enthusiasm waned almost instantly. Oh well, guess you have to be in the mood.

On Written By Me I was publishing this story that I have been working on forever. It's kinda cool to see what people have to say about it. I can't link to the exact page because I didn't write down the exact address... anyhoo

Tuesday, 22 May 2001

Hey hey, birthday... was sung to at work! Embarassing but sweet.

Monday, 21 May 2001

what the---? heck? crazy computer
Tomorrow is my birthday. My twenty-seventh birthday. Birthdays suck more and more as you get older. I mean, who cares, it's just another year passing. Blah blah blah. Rotten mood. Sorry.

Saturday, 19 May 2001

Folding laundry, I hear some guy talking to the men who live next store. The guys voice is so familiar. SO FAMILIAR! I am wracking my brain (is that how you spell it? wracking?) trying to think who it is that he sounds like...someone from TV...oh my god DON KNOTTS! Mr Furley himself is next door for all I know. Okay, it's probably not really him, but a girl can dream- can't she? Hey, he and Steve Buscemi should appear in a film together as father and son. And Illena Douglas could be the sister...

Wednesday, 16 May 2001

ooh just found cool site. is cool because i love london and will never be able to afford to visit again. i found it because i was reading about a divorce lawyer there who advertises on billboards reading "ditch the bitch" or "all men are bastards". i like that. sorry, cannot explain sudden lapse into e.e. cummings lack of caps. be thankful for proper punctuation. does anyone else read this, i wonder? ("I just did, unfortunately"- someone who is bored to tears) god i hope not. holy crap it took me like three tries to get that site to link. must find less mind-numbing hobbies.
Am having fun at work for the most part but sort of stressed about all the new stuff I am trying to learn all at once. I suppose it means I'm doing good, if they're giving me all these extra responsibilities, but I still worry about screwing up. It is a foreign thing to me to be rewarded for a job well done. Based on the fact that all the jobs I had before were utter shite. I love shit with an e on the end. Nice and cockney, or something.
Was all gung ho about being the only family member going to my nephew's band's first gig in Lodi. But then tried to print driving directions on yahoo maps and d'oh! Very confusing. Cue the Creedence "oh Lord, stuck in Lodi again..." I wonder how they will sound. It's a punk show but my nephew seems to be into pop-punk. Maybe it's his age? I played him Misfits once, and some Damned- seemed to be okay with it, a little Social Distortion- looked at me like he smelled something funny. Liked the Oozzies. I found it odd to give the Damned an endorsement to him by saying "well, the Offspring covered them". Street-cred for the teen crowd. Am taken aback each time I see my nephew, he's taller and taller and suddenly sounding very deep-voiced. Not quite Barry White, but still. Feel old. My niece, the last time they came out for visit, was wearing Miss Lee Press-on Nails and eyeshadow. Am freaking out right now about the passing of time in case you couldn't tell.

Tuesday, 15 May 2001

Otherwise nice day somewhat marred by driving around in circles looking for parking spot in Oakland. For at least a half an hour. Might have had more options were I not the worlds worst parallel parker. Actually made attempt at tight spot, but then, nah...drove around some more. Later drove past same spot and saw someone else struggling with it. Feeling vindicated, I headed for an uphill-facing spot with plenty of space to pull in and make corrections. I am the type who will park blocks away to avoid parallel parking and yet will still bitch about having to walk that far. Then of course when I arrive at my destination there is an empty spot RIGHT IN FRONT!

Monday, 14 May 2001

Spoke to TD today and oh, sweet mystery of life- felt absolutely no emotion toward him whatsoever. Blessed relief! Wasn't even jealous when he confirmed the goth chick girlfriend. Had momentary sense of "what did I see in him..." followed by rare flash of self-esteem "I could do better...". Feeling free to write this as I know he will never bother to look up my website. Of if he did, the likelyhood of him reading it...slim to none. Can purge all gross feelings now, but to my surprise all former feelings are dead and buried. Have grown and moved on. Who would have thought?
ANNOYANCE FOR THE WEEK: the Process played and I didn't even realize it! Missed it completely! D'oh!
HAPPY THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK : I actually like my job!
LOOKING FORWARD TO: My nephew's first gig! His band, Fall-out, is playing in Lodi May 25th!
GLAD THAT: I'm able to read on BART without getting sick. Doubly good because I'm addicted to the book I'm reading "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers. Triply good because now I can avoid that pesky eye-contact with strangers thing (not a very social creature I guess. Unless drunk.)
NERVOUS ABOUT: Seeing nice guy I kissed and much older bartender I have inexplicably crush on during our traditional after-work Friday thang at the Leopard.
TIRED OF: typing in all caps
hoping that: this will post and publish instead of just posting like it's been doing lately...

Sunday, 6 May 2001

Have spent entirely too much time on the computer today as I have been scanning in my drawings and other stuff and posting a whole section on my website for those drawings. ( Was going to link to it from here but apparently ye olde blogger is tempermental about linking to geocities stuff. So best to look at my homepage link at bottom). These are the things we do when we have no life. Or maybe I'm just antisocial and weird, who knows.
Yesterday I hung out with Marcus. Watched "the Virgin Suicides" and "Almost Famous". Felt like crap on account of after-work drinks the night before. Must watch alcohol intake on empty stomach. Is all a blur except for coworkers daughter giving me the marichino (however you spell it) cherry out of her Shirley Temple (what a sweetie) and later high-fiving office manager in regards to mutual admiration of Toad the Wet Sprocket. Err...

Monday, 30 April 2001

Decided to change the name of my blog. For some reason. Just to be confusing. Also dyed my hair red. Had been wanting to for a long time but did not do it so as to avoid Bobbsey Twin syndrome with roomate. No longer with that roomate so hell, LET'S DYE MY HAIR! Bring it on!
Finally, at long last, I am the owner of The Damned ---Strawberries on CD! Had to mail order it from Canada and here it is! Yee-haa! For the longest time I thought in the song "Dozen Girls" that it said "he wears purple underwear" but is actually "thermal underwear". 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
I really need to finish my sister's Stephen King book but when I get home from work I can't focus on reading. Can only do *this*, or draw, or dance. But reading makes me fall asleep. Should try reading on BART but I am afraid it will make me sick.

Thursday, 26 April 2001

I thought I just screwed up my blog thru geocities but fortunately I didn't. Whew! I'm kind of depressed lately so have been trying to do things to take my mind off it. So I went and gave all my webpages spiffy new words at the top. Whatever you call that. I'm so computer illiterate and yet I'm on the computer all the time. I mean the words in the blue space above the menu bar and all. I'm just embarassing myself now, although I doubt many people even read my blog. Neurotic as usual. Anyhoo... to sum up the week, in the words of The Process: "PMS PMS I'm so fat, my skin's a mess PMS PMS diet pop and chocolates PMS PMS look at that bitch she's wearin' my dress! P- I said P- PMS, I'M FUCKIN' STRESSED!"

Wednesday, 25 April 2001

Yesterday I forgot to mention that a bicyclist got hit by a car right outside my building. He didn't look hurt, but his front wheel was bent in half. Lots of screamin' and yellin' in the streets that day.
I'm so tired I keep hitting the wrong buttons by mistake and at first, in the above paragraph I spelled wheel "weel". I'm kinda iffy on my punctuation in that last sentence, too. Maybe I should stop typing. okay, bye.

Tuesday, 24 April 2001

I am a complete stuttering social buffoon, in case anyone wants to know.
In other news, I have a 10 year class reunion coming up next year! I just received word about it. Don't know whether to laugh or cry. May vomit.

Saturday, 21 April 2001

I found a cool site for the band Leatherface that I saw at Bottom of the Hill back in March. It includes a tour diary where they talk about each show with a concise brevity that I can only aspire to *sigh* I have to restrain myself to keep these entries from rambling on. Plus I don't think concise needs brevity behind it. Might be redundant, as are most of my posts... I will add the link to my favorites page when I'm in the mood to mess about with PageBuilder (haven't got the patience tonight).
Wish I knew more about HTML so I could make this blog page look nicer instead of just the standard boring look. I seem to be the only one stuck in this rut when I check out other peoples blogs.
E-mailed Captain Sensible of the Damned today, well it was Ask Captain and presumably it is something that he reads eventually. He's funny, I enjoyed reading the questions and answers that were already posted.
Friday went to the Leopard which is downstairs from my work. I always smell their food in the elevator. It makes me crave hamburgers which I normally try to stay away from. Later on, crashed on Marcus's couch while he proceeded on to The Mallard (I've seen enough of that...) His couch is not real comfortable, flat and vinyl and makes you sweat.
Today I felt exhausted. Saw my sister and the twins. Going to see Bridget Jones's Diary later.

Thursday, 19 April 2001

Well hello there! I am so tired today I can't see straight! I perked up when I ate the best dinner known to man: veggie samosas, pakoras, and curry. Yum, better than chocolate.
Got a walkman finally so I can listen to Misfits and stuff while I commute. I'm always very paranoid of having it too loud so that a person next to me might complain. I am on the whole a kinda non-confrontational gal!
Gave my friend Lisa the address for this website, she may be reading it right now, going "yikes".

Wednesday, 18 April 2001

A person emailed me today to ask if I was Jamie Gillis the actress who starred in "Night of the Zombies" not to be confused with Jamie Gillis the male porn star. I told him I was neither. Sorry to disappoint him but he was requesting an autographed picture.

Then later I realized that Jamie Gillis the porn star is the person who starred in Night of the Zombies. So what was he on about, I wonder?

Sunday, 15 April 2001

Well... it's been awhile since I posted. Last time I tried, blogger seemed to be having a bit of a problem. I think it's all good now. I'm enjoying the new job. The people I work with are cool and it's kind of a kick walking around S.F. on my breaks and lunch.
Friday I went to Radio, a bar, with Marcus and my friend Lisa (who hooked me up with my current job.)
Saturday I went to a Beatles impersonator show with my brother, Roland.
Today I am just tired and can't believe the weekend is already ending.

Tuesday, 10 April 2001

hello! the job is going ok so far but it is leaving me too tired to do fun things like blog and work on my website argh! i'm very irritable right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, 8 April 2001

Eeesh I start the new job tomorrow. I am NERVOUS! Veddy neuuuhvis!
Today I went to Berzerkeley with my friend Cleo and her friend Sabina. Cleo got a tattoo of her husband and son's name in Chinese characters. I managed to refrain from getting anymore but boy howdy it is mighty tempting. I love the sound the tattoo gun makes. The siren song of the tattoo gun. The tattoo parlor had flash that was by my former pseudo-roomate Daryl affectionately known as Gary Gnu because his last name was Gnau or Ralph because he couldn't hold his liquor! It was weird to see his flash though, haven't seen it in awhile. He's another guy who was played for a fool by my ex-roomate. The world is crawling with them.

Friday, 6 April 2001

ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer, if one of those bottles should happen to fall ninety eight bottles of berr on tha wall! Hi, decided to go for the S.F. job, will be good, I think. One day will search for silent Joe. blah blah. Am wee bit tipsy. is friday, after all. Am channeling Bridget Jones. Not v. good. will see movie when comes out, with Ena or similar. Durr!

Thursday, 5 April 2001

Holy mackerel! First I got offered the S.F. job (I think I'll take it, even though I have another interview tomorrow. I guess I'll just wait and see, maybe). Then I get home and I have a call back from yet another job that I interviewed for ages ago! Hmm, think I'll pass on that one for sure. Anyway it's all confusing because so many things are happening at once. But I think it will be kind of fun to work in S.F., ride BART and all. But, must find dressy shoes that are comfortable for walkin'. 'Cause right now I have bleeding blisters on that back of both heels. Attractive.

Wednesday, 4 April 2001

When it Rains It Pours: first I decide to interview for a job with Marcus' s friend. I finally break down and buy a car because I need it no matter what, and I'm probably always gonna be in debt anyway, so screw it. So I'm gettin' all ready to call Marcus's friend and the phone rings. It's the job in San Francisco and they want me to come in for a second interview. And then I get a call from another place that I faxed my resume to, and they want to set up an interview as well. So I have three interview in two days and not a thing to wear! Argh!
I found something cheesy today on the web, at the official Misfits website (i.e. new Misfits w/out Danzig) there is a video you can download where they cover "Monster Mash" with Jerry Only singing. And in the video it has clips from a halloween special that was made by the people that do the Rudolph special, with the kooky stop motion animation. It's pretty funny.

Sunday, 1 April 2001

I just found out I'm pregnant.(April Fool!) Would have to be an immaculate conception, the way things are going :( Ah, well... Went to see the Process Friday! Heehee I'm still all excited about it. They were great, my only complaint would be that I wished they had played longer. Thank you to my friend Marcus for takin' me to see them. I was thinking I hadn't been all excited about seeing a band since I was a kid and would get all worked up about, say, Def Leppard. And then the Process played a few notes of a Def Leppard song for a goof. HA. The Rats were good too, I was glad they played songs I knew. Too bad Grant(the lead singer) was late and had to be filled in for. But I enjoyed his little snit when he found out they played without him! Good ol' Grant.
Saturday Marcus and I went to see Leatherface in S.F. That was a good show, too. And we got to hang out with the band after. I was tired because we walked around all day. So we kept quoting Bernie Mac, a comic, "I'm tired, my body weary". Err, guess ya had to be there. I looked everywhere for a patch so that I could cover the logo of my old job on my favorite sweatshirt. And let my tell you it's hard to find a patch unless you want some crappy hippie deadhead or marijuana type thing. Blech!

Thursday, 29 March 2001

I'm about to finish "Amy and Isabelle" by Elizabeth Strout. It's very good. I'm on a roll with picking out books that I actually like. Still haven't heard back about the San Francisco job. Should I call? Maybe next week, they were very busy. Also there was another job I interviewed for who didn't call back and it's been a really long time and I think if maybe they hired someone else it would be polite of them to at least e-mail me and tell me. I have dicovered that my one true gift as a writer is run-on sentences! *sigh*

Wednesday, 28 March 2001

Helloooo. Had the job interview Tuesday. I think it went well except for I'm a dork and I didn't bring an extra copy of my resume and I had to fill out an application. I'm bad about remembering dates of stuff without my resume to refer to. I feel like an idiot more and more often these days.
Another thing that makes me feel like and idiot is when I check out other peoples blogs and they looks much nicer and it seems like people are reading theirs. I don't know. I don't really want for anyone to read this particularly, but I feel lame because I don't know how to make the page look different and stuff. Really, who the hell cares? This is just for something to do when I'm bored (which is often, lately...)

Monday, 26 March 2001

HEe hee, job interview for today fell through. It will be another day this week. STRESS. I have a terrible sinus headache that won't go away and that is my major complaint for today. It's making me unable to think of anything to write. BLAH BLAH BLAH!

Thursday, 22 March 2001

My job interview is going to be on Monday, hope it goes well. I have found a fun site where you can publish whatever you feel like writing and then different people will read what you wrote and rate it (and you can do the same for them). I am now scrambling to find stuff I've already written that I can publish, but most of my things are in boxes! The site is called Written By Me. It's free, too! There are so many cool free things on the web!
The Process is going to play for sure, so I'm going next Friday. I'm also looking forward to seeing The Rats. It wiil be a cool show, I think...

Wednesday, 21 March 2001

I'm gonna be having a job interview in San Francisco. It's at a collections agency (hope they're not looking for me, d'oh!). So I'm on the right track, I guess. Here is something that made me angry today: some kind of telemarketer (I assume) that somehow had the information that my dad had been in the hospital keeps calling and leaving messages "We're calling to see how Duncan is doing, we'll call back." (and you can't *69 them) My dad died in December. I hope the next time this lady calls I am there to answer the phone and tell her. And I hope she feels awkward and rotten. It's so intrusive. I wish we had that phone service where we refused blocked calls.

Tuesday, 20 March 2001

I am a strange mixture of depressed and happy. I'm depressed about my situation in life and yet I'm happy to have free time to read, write, draw, sit in the sunshine, do whatever. Yesterday my friend and I went on a walk all over San Francisco. We ate at an Irish pub, went in lots of shops, had a drink in a beat-poet kind of a bar, ended up in a place called Pow! which is a bar with a Japanimation (anime? whatever!) theme. They were playing lots of crappy songs from my youth. So I had a good time, all in all. It's just when I start thinking of the future that I get depressed. What am I gonna do? Aieee!
I found out that the band I love, the Process, may be playing next week... I hope it's true! I'm gonna go, the only bad part is the may-run-into-former-employer aspect. But who cares, really. Doesn't amount to a hill of beans, in the grand scheme of things (why am I using such tired old expressions? Because I'm feelin' tired and old!).
In other 'news' my tan-in-a-bottle has put a small dent in my normally fish-belly white appearance. I actually look *gasp* healthy! As opposed to pale and haggard. I'm also trying to keep up with my excercise regimen, but it was difficult today because I got a big blister on my foot when we went walking around in S.F. I'm debating if I should poke a hole in it or not. Does it heal faster after the pus is drained out? That's really disgusting and I can't believe I'm gonna post it. But I am. I'm just that sick.

Monday, 19 March 2001

I've been up since seven, I guess that's an okay start to my week of fruitlessly searching for a new job. I suppose the wise thing would have been to have the new job lined up before quitting the old one, but do you ever get so's you just cannot stand something anymore? It's the principle of the thing. I could not kiss up to someone I didn't respect anymore, and sit around while myself and all the other underlings got the shite end of the stick. Yes I meant to spell shit that way. Faith an' begorrah, it's a holdover from St. Paddy's day. Well today I'm faxing resumes... we'll see. Had an interview that I'm still waiting to hear back about. Sheer frustration. I am without a vehicle so I'm going to do these three things today 1. Exercise 2. Put on fake tanning product 3. Sit outside and read. Right now I'm reading "Speaking with the Angel" a collection of short stories. (The title makes it sound like "the Celestine Prophesy" or something but it's not.) It's good. Particularly the stories by Melissa Bank, Roddy Doyle, and Nick Hornby. Prior to that I read "On Writing" by Stephen King. I'm tring to get back into writing myself but doing a crap job of it. I have one story I've been working on forever, but lately whan I'm on the computer I'm doing stuff like THIS. Or Yahoo! PageBuilder. And I somehow screwed up my very first web pages so I can no longer change them and when I put new stuff I have to link it from a page in the middle. Oh well. I doubt anyone else cares besides me... Well, better go get on the treadmill before I lose my motivation.

Sunday, 18 March 2001

At last, a way to keep adding to my site whenever I feel like it, without creating a whole new page for the subject. Free reign to ramble incoherently. I love the worldwide web! Freedom of speech at last. If you don't know who I am, please start from the beginning at my homepage (although I'm sure all of this is predominately for my own amusement, who else really cares?). I will use this area as a kind of journal, or a place to rant when I'm irritated. Today I cleaned my dad's old car that we are going to try to sell... if anyone wants a car that needs a new engine *sigh* The mechanic said that the engine would cost more than the car is worth. Automobiles... you know I hate them. My dad passed away this last December and it is still something I'm dealing with on a daily basis. He'd been sick before but I never really expected this to happen. I miss him, and I still am not used to the idea of him not being around. Right now I've moved back home with Mom, to kind of offer each other support and also because I just got myself out of a bad living and working arrangement. More about that later, I'm sure... For know, I'm gonna check and see how this 'blog' looks...(just happened upon the build-your-blog site today!)