Tuesday, 29 November 2005

100 Monkeys on 100 Typewriters...

would be quicker and better at coming up with a sensible work schedule than my current employer. They might even make a more coherent blog entry than me heheheh.

But screw that anyway, cuz today is my day off. I was going to drive somewhere far but screw that also, I'm gonna go to a movie. It's free popcorn Tuesday. I need the comfort of nasty greasy popcorn and images flickering before me on a giant screen.

Saturday I'm going to see me mudder for her birthday and Sunday Kris for his (belatedly). And finally I will go to E&O Trading Co and have those Indonesian Corn Fritters. YEAH!

Sunday, 27 November 2005

"I'm worth a million in prizes"

Here is something vaguely interesting....if you take the lyrics to Girls Girls Girls (Liz Phair that is, not Motley Crue) which are as follows:
"You've been around enough to know
That if I want to leave, you better let me go
Because I take full advantage of every man I meet
I get away almost every day
With what the girls call, what the girls call
What the girls call, the girls call murder
You've been around enough to see
That if you think you're it, you better check with me
Because I take full advantage of every man I meet
I get away almost every day
With what the girls call, what the girls call
What the girls call, the girls call murder"

then using babelfish you translate them

to German then back to English
They around enough were to know to that, if I liked to go you leave me go to improve, because I draw full use from each man, who I keep to away nearly each day with meet which the girls designate, which the girl call which designates the girls, who were girl call murder you around enough to see to that, if you think you are it, you, improve examination with me, because I draw full use from each man I keep away nearly each day with meet which the girls designate, which the girl call which designates the girls, the girl call murder

to Italian then back to English
You have been around enough for knowing that if I wish to go, improved the left ones to go Since I draw maximum advantage from every man who I come it to contact of I obtain via nearly every day with that what the girls call, than what the call who what the girls call, the girls call homicide you have been around in order seeing that if thoughts you are it, you of the girls enough improve me control with Since draw maximum advantage from every man come it to contact of obtain via nearly every day with that what the girls call, than what the call who what the girls call, the homicide of the girls of calling of the girls

to french than back to english
You have be around enough to know that if I want to leave, you improve leave me to leave since I benefit fully from each man that I meeting obtain far almost each day with what girls call, which it call of girls what the girls call, girls murder of call you have étées around enough to see that if you think are him, improve you control with me since I benefit fully from each man I meeting am obtained far almost each day with what the girls call, which it call of girls what the girls call, the murder of call of girls....(that was almost the murder of call girls!)

to Dutch then back to english (my favorite so far)
You are around enough are to to know that if I want leave you, improve me, late go because I take complete advantage of each people that I, I become gone almost each day with what little girls have met clamour, what little girl question what little girls call, the assassination of the little girl question, you have been round enough to see that if you you thinks it is, check you improve with me because I take complete advantage of each people that I, I become gone almost each day with what little girls have met clamour, what the little girl question what the little girls call, the little girls assassination call

then that last version to Spanish and back to English again
You are around enough must to knowledge that if desire licenses you improves to me you go late because volume complete advantage of each people that I go away almost every day with what small girls have solved the outcry, what small question of the girl what small girls call, the murder of the small question of the girl you have been around enough considering that if you who you think are, verify to him improve with me because volume complete advantage of each people who I go away almost every day with what small girls have solved outcry, what the small question what the small girls call, the small call of the girl of the murder

These are the sorts of things I copy and paste to avoid writing about my personal life. All day long at work I was bored and obsessed over what the hell is going to become of me...I need good dumb fun right now and lots of it.

Thanksgiving was very emotionally draining, I drank too much and I think everyone else did too, for no one seemed to notice how drunk I was. Then at the end of the night I was at my sister's and they were watching a Charlie Brown thanksgiving special and Snoopy gave Woodstock turkey. My bro-in-law said "wouldn't that make him a cannibal" and I said mom's parrot would eat chicken. My sister said "Oh yeah, mom's parrot is dead, but don't tell her." What? She's dead, she chewed through some electric cord and died. My mother gave this parrot, who was becoming kind of mean due to the fact that parrots require a lot of attention and there was no one around to care for her in the day time after my father died. She could be very aggravating because although she could speak and sing a little she preferred to squawk loudly. She even bit my mother on the lip. My mother gave it to a friend of her cousin's who had other birds to keep her company. So we thought we were doing it for the best and then the idiot lets that happen. So I feel really bad about it, she was annoying but it was because she was unhappy (my mother had bought her when I was a kid and before my father ever got sick so at the time she was a stay at home mom.) So because I was drunk and tired I started crying over the parrot. The last time I ever saw the parrot was the day the man was coming to pick her up. And I waggled my finger at her, she tipped her head way to the side so I could scratch her below her chin where the feathers were very soft. Poor thing. She had a fucked up life. I wish I had been older and understood better why she acted the way she did when my mother went back to work, and I could have been more sympathetic instead of annoyed at it. This time of year always brings back that when my dad got sick it really threw everything about our lives into turmoil and we all did the best we could to soldier on but I think now it's still catching up to us all. Things we missed. Things we should have done when we could have. People and things that we should have treated kinder. I think when we die we should go right back to the beginning knowing what we know already and try and undo the fucked up parts.

I don't know how they are going to go around not telling my mother the parrot died...what if she asks? "It's pining for the fjords." She will feel guilty for giving it to that man.

Sorry for semi-incoherent remarks...

"I’ve been hurting since I’ve bought the gimmick
About something called love
Yeah, something called love.
Well, that’s like hypnotizing chickens."
i can't stop listening to Iggy Pop this week
"Well, I never got my license to live
They won't give it up
So I stand at the world's edge
Well, I'm trying to break in
Oh no, it's not for me
And the sight of it all
Makes me sad and ill
That's when I want
Some weird sin
Things get too straight
I can't bear it
I feel stuck
Stuck on a pin
Well I'm trying to break in
And I know it's not for me
And the sight of it all
Makes me sad and ill
That's when I want
Some weird sin
That's when I want
Some weird sin
Just to relax with
That's some dumb weird sin
For a while anyway
With my head on the ledge
That's what you get out on the edge
Some weird sin
Things get too straight
I can't bear it
I feel stuck
Stuck on a pin
I'm trying to break in
Oh, I know it's not for me
Well, the sight of it all
Makes me sad and ill
That's when I want
Some weird sin
That's when I want
Some weird sin
Just to relax with
That's some dumb weird sin
For a while anyway
With my head out on the ledge
That's what you get out on the edge
Some weird sin
Some weird sin, some weird sin"
Iggy Pop and David Bowie yessiree

Sunday, 20 November 2005

"I saw a young officer on deck the other day,....and he looked pretty damn familiar,.... even with his clothes on!"

What are they thinking remaking The Poseidon Adventure??!?!?!?!? You can't improve upon perfection, people!!!!! What am I doing with the remake on???!!!!!!?!?!? Why did Mrs Rosen just say "when Manny died" ---Manny's dead?!!??!? And now the whole disaster is caused by a terrorist!!???!!???!!! And what is that I just saw- Steve Guttenberg???? Damn you, NBC! I'm turning this shit off. There's got to be a morning after.

I want me some Shelley Winters, Ernest Borgnine, Red Buttons,Gene Hackman...discussion of suppositories, lonely men with vitamins,lil boys saying "Shove it, shove it, shove it",young gals in bad seventies outfits, mr witty "I do have a mistress...the Sea", Auld Lang Syne, OH SHIT! climbing the gaudy Christmas tree, everythings upside down, the fires, the water, mass hysteria, Mrs Rosen rescuing Reverend Scott..then :( wah! Then stupid young gals having stupid hysterics...and MY LINDA!!!! All that and Leslie Nielsen as the Captain.

Friday, 18 November 2005

Livin' It Up, Livin' It Up, Oh Yeah! (Friday Night)

My sister wanted to "fix me up" tonight with a friend of a guy that she's dating. She springs this on me at the last possible minute. I just don't feel like it. I said no. Okay, she said. Hours went by. Finally her stupid guy comes over. "So what's wrong with my friend?" he queries. It's not your fucking friend it's me leave me alone!!!!!!!! I vant to be alone. I am in Greta Garbo mode, so piss off would ya?

My sister, who is 11 years my senior, goes into full Teen Beat personality about dating. It's her subject of the day every day. I guess cuz she married young but- ick. It's annoying. Last night I arrived home to catch her making out in the dark on the front porch. It's all she can talk about these days. Non-stop.

Me- I am anti-social, or I am fake social. This and buzznet are about as social as I get right now, apart from work. Which is sad, yet I don't care at this point.

"I've seen enough of that."

"I'm the boss, this is the champagne, merry Christmas"

My older niece doesn't really like to read. I do think it's true how much you are read to as a child affects your interest in reading as an adult. She never fell in love with books as a kid. A while back I told that is normal to get bored or frustrated when you're forced to read something that you don't want to, but if you find something that that you really interested in reading is a pleasure. Now, at her school they are reading Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo and she is totally enthralled with it. She was lit up talking about it...so many thoughts and ideas that it inspired. I was so happy to see that...it was an excellent book that I read in high school as well. In fact I still have a copy. I aksed if they were going to show the movie as well, she said they might if they had time. We did watch it back then, the movie was more 60's weird...there is a scene where "I'm the boss, this is the champagne, merry Christmas" is said about a million times, we wrote that in each others yearbooks that year. I think the reason the class picked that book off the list of books to read was because of the Metallica video "One" that uses scenes from that movie. There are many movies made in the 60's or early 70's of books I loved and they just had to add some trippy crap and make it sucky...for example The Bell Jar, and Charly (Flowers for Algernon). But I suppose that is better than now where they make movies of TV shows instead of books...Okay I am officially rambling on and on but another book our class in high school read that year was Kiss of the Spider Woman...cuz my friend Lena said she loved that movie. It was very good, but the whole time I was thinking "this doesn't seem like Lena's type of story". Halfway through it she says "this is not like the movie at all" -turns out she was thinking of some thriller movie called Black Widow. Oops.


Thursday, 17 November 2005

There's no place like home

I really need to get back to the Bay Area, now that I've left it I realize how much I love it...I went to visit my mother and her husband and we got Indian food, which I have been dying for...there are no Indian restaurants around where I live...there was an all you can eat buffet and I stuffed myself...it was wonderful.

Then I went to see my sister and her family. My nieces are incredible...they have each been writing stories about my mother's two chihuahuas. They will do a page with a drawing and a small paragraph. They are up to a hundred pages each! And the stories are very smart and funny. They amaze me...when I was a kid I would begin to do a big project like that and then abandon it partway through from boredom (come to think of it, that sums up my employment history as an adult heheh). Those two are smart cookies and so energetic.

Saturday, 12 November 2005

Day Off or Off Day

Today I was going to drive to SF. Then I woke up late, felt a cold coming on...thought screw it. It's foggy, I'm blue, too many chores to do...oh it's turning into a song! I have to work at 8 am tomorrow anyway. Today I didn't even wake up until 8:30. I used to be a morning person but that fell by the wayside quite a while ago...

My niece is sick with a cold too. I am going to take and Airborne and hope for the best. Today we ate horribly unhealthy things...pancakes and hash browns and later, pizza. Pizza with the red pepper stuff on it, and that helps with a cold.

Now I am blogging in avoidance of doing laundry.

I want to stop using the word "like" all the time. It's sort of a Valley girl sound that creeps into the way I talk but I feel like it sounds a little too airhead at my age. Its hard to curb that habit, though, when you are living with a teenager. It's funny how you pick up little expressions and inflections (not to mention sinus infections) from the people you are around the most. My nieces word is "hugeungous". One of my co-workers is always saying Huh! as a response. That makes her sound like James Brown...okay she is not shouting HUH but saying an affirmative huh like uh-huh with out the uh... I bet I will pick up on that. It's like when one of my old boyfriends was in a band with 2 Canadians and then next thing you know he and I are saying Eh? at the end of every question and I still do that to this day, even sometimes when I am writing.

Okay now I am rambling. I was going to post some more pictures on buzznet but my computer is running really slow...I blocked some spyware and now maybe I will try again...I feel like laying around like a bum with this cold...

Thursday, 10 November 2005

Carnation Instant Breakfaaaaaaaast!

You're gonna love it in an instant.

Every time I start to blog I realize I am just going to start complaining about things and that's no fun, is it? Let me thinkg of something nice...hmmm...my coworker recorded a Michael Palin travel documentary for me...that was nice. And it gives me something more enlightening to watch than the usual crap that I watch. So. Cool then.

Today I almost laughed at the security guard at work cause he was going on and on to some another coworker and I about his Gang days or gangsta days or whatever the heck and he was talking about stupid ass stuff like he was trying to impress us. Like he thought he was a badass. He claimed he was in coma. I didn't believe him cuz he also claimed he was stabbed in the face and there was no scar that I could see. Kris was once stabbed in the upper lip by a deranged busboy where he worked...with a butter knife and ten years ago...and still has a scar. Hell my mother was bit my her parrot like 20 years ago and still has a scar. So bottom line is I think he was full of shit and trying to come off like 50 Cent or whatever. Then he said he found Jesus. He said he was sick and asked God to help "but I just barely asked him and didn't expect anything. Then I got better." Blow it out your ass I wanted to say but didn't. And the other gal was all impressed and asked him what religion he was. He was Christian Apostolic. She was Catholic. She asked what I was and I said...well...i was raised Lutheran. She said "Oh..lots of people our age aren't religious" with a pitying look. I'm not even her age I don't think but I can never tell peoples ages. If I had to guess I would say that she was 5 years younger.

I said I wasn't going to complain then I went and bitched about something. Here is another good thing though...my computer just crashed who knows why after I typed all of the above. But I came back and hit recover post and there it was back again zippity zappity boy howdy. That is a very cool thing

Saturday, 5 November 2005

Do you know what she did, your cunting daughter?

what a weird day today was....
my sister talked me into going to see some "motivational speaker" and I figured what the heck, it was free, it might be funny and I will have plenty of time to mock it when I'm living in a van down by the river.

So we went, and it was some weirdo Christian thing...my sister's friends had recommended this lady. She came out and started talking about speaking in tongues...I thought that means you are possessed by a demon. But apparently, according to this woman, that is a viable way of praying to God. She said in the morning (the moment she wakes up, before she puts on her makeup) she says a little prayer in tongues. She was literally going "hummminaaa summina babalooooo" okay she didn't say babaloo. But she asked for everyone to let the Holy Spirit fill them and all the people around me started making strange noises and some of them were weeping. I said Baba Booey three times. Ya know, I do speak in tongues from time to time but I would not think it was praying. I thought it was a symptom of drunkeness. Anyway, my sister- who is Christian as hell (not that Hell is Christian...I mean..ya know what I mean) turned to me and said let's go. Which was good cuz I was choking back more giggles than I could stifle without causing myself physical pain. This preacher lady was like a cross between Dorothy and Blanche on the Golden Girls. She had Dorothy's face and voice and Blanche's hair and accent. What's scary is if it hadn't been for my sister I probably would have continued to watch. It was crazy. You're all individuals! "Yes! We are all individuals!" heheheh.

Thursday, 3 November 2005

House o' Mouse

Yesterday, from out of the photo printer, there ran a wee little mousie. I was refilling the water tank just as Ms Mousie did a quick run toward me, then pivoted quick as a wink and ran back underneath. I almost spilled the water but I was proud of myself for not screaming. If it was a big spider I would have screamed.

I guess it was making a home inside the machine because it is warm in there, but I am afraid it will chew a cord to something important and the machine will break. Or we will have a paper jam and open the machine to find mousie jam. Jessica theorized that the photo processing chemicals will cause it to mutate so then our store will be not only mouse infested but, horror of horrors, mutant mouse infested!

That would actually improve the dull dreary days somewhat.

Tuesday, 1 November 2005


Today I went skipping about wildly in response to making several purchases. It is high time I got laid. Sheesh.

I am kinda broke and I must stop using my credit card. I would cut that little motherfucker up right now except for then how would I buy anyone any Christmas presents? The money I earn goes to

a) rent
b) phone, credit card, and internet bills
c) gas
d) food

and then it is gone. Sometimes it is gone before the food bit, another useful diet tip.

Well shit!

But anyway I bought me some Revenge of the Sith, it wa a forgone conclusion that I would buy that but then you know what those bastards went and did? They released the entire series of Sex and the City, in a velvety package...I had not bought any of the series yet...always intending to and yet always managing to restrain myself...Now today I had my regular 10% discount plus also a 10% off coupon plus also when you buy that they give you a $10 giftcard so it pretty much paid for Star Wars too. So how could I resist when I am bored as fuck over here.

Went on bad first date. I still love my old boyfriend and he still loves me and he is one of my favorite friends so I guess the only way I will be able to really start dating other people is to not be friends with him any more and that would suck. Anyway the guy I went out with was a former coworker of my mothers, who met me at her wedding...and he was just. I dunno. You know how sometimes people make you uncomfortable for no particular reason? He was kind of a staring type and an overly interested type and that really puts me off. I am like the only girl in the world who is put off by a guy being interested in her heheheheheh. I am pretty much fucked in the dating department. The word of the day is FUCK say it loud and proud.

My coworker hurt his back, really bad, so he may be out for 2 weeks or more which means I am going to be working a lot. Which is good in a way but yuck in another way cuz now other shopoholics like myself are hitting the store hardcore and being impatient and annoying and pushy.

ANd xmas is coming up which is depressing and family life is awkward for the holidays with my oldest sister divorced, my father deceased and greatly missed and my mother remarried to a guy who is I will admit very nice but nevertheless is not my dad. So it's just a reminder. And his daughter is bitchy.

The word of the day is FUCK and the sentence structure of the day is run-on and poorly punctuated. I am over sharing and can't afford a therapist so thank you internet for allowing me to just type it all out and share my neurosis with the world in general.