Friday, 28 March 2003

here is a laugh

Thursday, 27 March 2003

hehe was just reading this months entries and i guess i am awfully fond of cut n paste plaguarism lately
lazy beotch :]
WHOA it is all a hoax
don't tell my Ma

Origins: Comedian
Dennis Miller, famous for his informative diatribes on all matters sociological and political (better known as "rants"), has been asserted as the author of the essay quoted above. This piece, sometimes entitled "Trying to Help" and sometimes identified as an "Article in Wichita Falls paper," began circulating on the Internet in March 2003.

Miller, who usually prefaces his sardonic comments with "Now I don't want to get off on a rant here . . ." seems an appropriate person to finger for authorship; the piece is written in something approximating his style, and nothing in the text is all that far removed from comments he is known to have made on his HBO television program, in his stand-up comedy routines, and while appearing as a guest on various talk shows (particularly The Tonight Show with Jay Leno). However, genuine Dennis Miller rants are peppered with pop culture references casually tossed in as verbal exclamation points but are not themselves central to his caustic comments, yet this particular offering contains only two such references, both of them presented as prime points of the essay. More simply, although he's on record as making wry observations similar in nature to those made in the piece now being attributed to him (e.g. "At this point, Ariel Sharon believes the only time Arabs and Jews will share the land is when they're under it" and "You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die"), he makes them in a different way.

This particular offering did run in the Times Record News, the only newspaper in Wichita Falls, Texas. It appeared as a Letter to the Editor on 26 February 2003, with its author identified as W. Wayne Schields of Wichita Falls. How the piece came to be attributed to Dennis Miller remains a mystery. We're left to suspect that someone, in an effort to imbue the essay with credibility, slapped the popular comedian's name onto something he particularly liked and wanted others to likewise appreciate.

We can substantiate that the two checkable points in the rant do indeed stand up to scrutiny: The United Nations Commission on Human Rights is chaired by Najat Al-Hajjaji of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, and Iraq was selected to head the United Nations' Conference on Disarmament scheduled to be held in Geneva beginning in May 2003. (Which country chairs the U.N. Conference on Disarmament is determined through "purely automatic rotation by alphabetical order.") However, in mid-February Iraq informed the U.N. that it was giving up its turn at the rotating presidency of the disarmament forum; since Iran had already given up its turn to chair the body as well, the position fell upon the next country on the alphabetical list, Ireland.

Barbara "even rant worthy" Mikkelson
investigating

I got this, don't know if it is really Dennis Miller? Was forwarded email...


THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS "CLARIFICATION."

by DENNIS MILLER

ALL THE RHETORIC ON WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD GO TO WAR AGAINST IRAQ HAS GOT MY INSANE LITTLE BRAIN SPINNING LIKE A ROULETTE WHEEL. I ENJOY READING OPINIONS FROM BOTH SIDES BUT I HAVE DETECTED A HINT OF CONFUSION FROM SOME OF YOU.

AS I WAS READING THE PAPER RECENTLY, I WAS REMINDED OF THE BEST ADVICE SOMEONE EVER GAVE ME. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE KISS METHOD ("KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID!) SO, WITH THIS AS A THEME, I'D LIKE TO APPLY THIS THEORY FOR THOSE WHO DON'T QUITE GET IT. MY HOPE IS THAT WE CAN SIMPLIFY THINGS A BIT AND RECOGNIZE A FEW IMPORTANT FACTS.

HERE ARE 10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN VOICING AN OPINION ON THIS IMPORTANT ISSUE:

1) BETWEEN PRESIDENT BUSH AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ... HUSSEIN IS THE BAD GUY.

2) IF YOU HAVE FAITH IN THE UNITED NATIONS TO DO THE RIGHT THING KEEP THIS IN MIND, THEY HAVE LIBYA HEADING THE COMMITTEE ON HUMAN RIGHTS AND IRAQ HEADING THE GLOBAL DISARMAMENT COMMITTEE. DO YOUR OWN MATH HERE.

3) IF YOU USE GOOGLE SEARCH AND TYPE IN "FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES," YOUR REPLY WILL BE "DID YOU MEAN FRENCH MILITARY
DEFEATS?"

4) IF YOUR ONLY ANTI-WAR SLOGAN IS "NO WAR FOR OIL," SUE YOUR SCHOOL DISTRICT FOR ALLOWING YOU TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS AND ROBBING YOU OF THE EDUCATION YOU DESERVE.

5) SADDAM AND BIN LADEN WILL NOT SEEK UNITED NATIONS APPROVAL BEFORE THEY TRY TO KILL US.

6) DESPITE COMMON BELIEF, MARTIN SHEEN IS NOT THE PRESIDENT. HE PLAYS ONE ON T.V.

7) EVEN IF YOU ARE ANTI-WAR, YOU ARE STILL AN "INFIDEL!" AND BIN LADEN WANTS YOU DEAD, TOO.

8) IF YOU BELIEVE IN A "VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY" BUT NOT IN THE DANGER THAT HUSSEIN POSES, QUIT HANGING OUT WITH THE DELL COMPUTER DUDE.

9) WE ARE NOT TRYING TO LIBERATE THEM.

10) WHETHER YOU ARE FOR MILITARY ACTION OR AGAINST IT, OUR YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN OVERSEAS ARE FIGHTING FOR US TO DEFEND OUR RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT. WE ALL NEED TO SUPPORT THEM WITHOUT RESERVATION.















Thursday, 20 March 2003

I am getting pictures of this city today, unreal....
Yeah, this is a legit story i got off SFGATE.com


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




08:41 PST -- In a unique form of opposition, some protesters at the Federal Building staged a "vomit in,'' by heaving on the sidewalks and plaza areas in the back and front of the building to show that the war in Iraq made them sick, according to a spokesman.

Many of the approximately 300 protesters demonstrating at the building at 450 Golden Gate Ave. attempted to block building entrances.

Seven anti-war demonstrators were arrested at mid-morning as they sought to block a group of about 20 federal employees and other visitors seeking to enter the building, Department of Homeland Security spokesman Ron Rogers said.

Rogers said all seven were charged with creating a disturbance and two were additionally charged with resisting arrest.

Only the back entrance of the Federal Building on Turk Street was open this morning. People with business inside the building were required to wait outside and were allowed to pass through metal barricades at intervals. The seven arrests occurred during one of the intervals as federal police officers sought to lead visitors around the metal barricades into the building.

On the Larkin Street side of the building, demonstrators blocked the driveway that leads into a basement garage used by federal judges and other officials who work in the building.

Numerous officers from the Federal Protective Service and San Francisco Police Department, wearing helmets and other riot protection gear, formed lines around the building.


My cat puked this morning. Funny, I thought it was just a hairball...






Wednesday, 19 March 2003

And then of course I thought of the Talking Heads song:

LIFE DURING WARTIME

Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons
packed up and ready to go
Heard of some gravesites, out by the highway
a place where nobody knows
The sound of gunfire, off in the distance
I'm getting used to it now
Lived in a brownstone, lived in the ghetto
I've lived all over this town

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
I ain't got time for that now

Transmit the message, to the receiver
hope for an answer some day
I got three passports, couple of visas
don't even know my real name
High on a hillside, trucks are loading
everything's ready to roll
I sleep in the daytime, I work in the nightime
I might not ever get home

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
This ain't no mudd club, or C. B. G. B.
I ain't got time for that now

Heard about Houston? Heard about Detroit?
Heard about Pittsburgh, P. A.?
You oughta know not to stand by the window
somebody might see you up there
I got some groceries, some peanut butter
to last a couple of days
But I ain't got no speakers
ain't got no headphones
ain't got no records to play

Why stay in college? Why go to night school?
Gonna be different this time?
Can't write a letter, can't send a postcard
I can't write nothing at all
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
I'd love you hold you, I'd like to kiss you
I ain't got no time for that now

Trouble in transit, got through the roadblock
we blended in with the crowd
We got computers, we're tapping phone lines
I know that ain't allowed
We dress like students, we dress like housewives
or in a suit and a tie
I changed my hairstyle so many times now
don't know what I look like!
You make me shiver, I feel so tender
we make a pretty good team
Don't get exhausted, I'll do some driving
you ought to get you some sleep
Get you instructions, follow directions
then you should change your address
Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day
whatever you think is best
Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?
They won't help me survive
My chest is aching, burns like a furnace
the burning keeps me alive
Try to stay healthy, physical fitness
don't want to catch no disease
Try to be careful, don't take no chances
you better watch what you say
ok this should be what i was trying to put yesterday

interesting that someone would spend that much time... making that


heheh

Quick plug:
Anyone in SF Bay Area, go see American Pig w/ Anti-Nowhere League at Slim's on Sunday....

Tuesday, 18 March 2003

Aw crap I screwed up the address or something....

YOu know, the weather is becoming very sunny and beautiful and I still can't figure out why that makes me feel so melancholy. I am just so ass backwards.
This guy or gal is more bored than me!



Sigh

I could only look at that at work cuz i don't have dsl at home... that takes a long time at home and I didn't even continue to look at it because it was taking so long. Anyhoo I agree on quite a few but I think the majority belong in that Non-Threatening Boys magazine that Lisa Simpson reaads.

Ah well anything to take my mind off the impending war...

Friday, 14 March 2003

Ugh... I know it is important to be well-informed, etc and to keep on top of current events. But sometimes it is just so depressing you wonder what the point of anything is. I was looking at a story about Elizabeth Smart, a kidnapped girl who was found, thank God. That rare piece of good news. But then it was balanced by a story on the page across form it about a married couple that beheaded their three children. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Wednesday, 12 March 2003

Kris's brother is coming to visit us on Thursday and staying through Sunday. So of course the weather forecast is rain from Thursday through Sunday. So much for sunny California, I guess he is in for a rude awakening.