Thursday, 4 December 2003

Dude I have Insomnia-- the kind like in the Stephen King book, where you fall asleep okay but then you wake up EARLY AS HELL! AAAAH!

Anyways... that was the right dude! He called and I am pretty sure he wasn't fooling. He seemed like a nice guy. I was intoxicated and therefore rambling so he probably thinks I am strange!

Wednesday, 3 December 2003

diary of a complete nut FYI
not that anyone gives a faaaaack but here is a copy of an email that i sent to someone and I hope hope hope it is the real dude. I have the same name as an adult film star, y'see...I am putting x's for our name


Okay-- not to be a jerk but I know everybody and their brother can buy web addresses and I got this email address from XXXXXXX.com.
So please unless you seriously are the XXXXXX the star, don't scam me or anything. Okay? yes i am paranoid. and fearful of spam! so be kind if you are not he. it's the holiday season after all. but if you spam me i will change my email address yet again *sigh* so all is not lost

Out of the goodess of my heart, My name is XXXXXX and if you 411 San Francisco you get my phone number, and as a result I have gotten calls asking to set up interviews. Most recently from VH1 of all things. I returned the calls to be nice and let them know that they had the wrong party. I've heard that the adult film star XXXXX is a resident of SF and a friend once claimed that he (you, i hope) walked by a restaurant in North Beach when we were having a Christmas party, and walked on by and i missed meeting him by thismuch just because i had given up smoking and was not outside at the time. That could have been BS but who knows but i am not a weird stalker or anything. So fear not. I just want to let you know that i have received these calls and would be more than willing to pass along the information provided that i feel secure that i am contacting the right party. So please in all sincerity and good faith and probably sounding like a loon but that is just the happy hour cocktails talking... respond and let me know. Hell, call 411. That's me. But please if this is some BS thing that does not in fact rep the real guy, don't mess w/ me okay? :) look at www.kookychick252.com that is my former site and all will become clear. i am a silly girl!
bless you heart if it is really you, i got razzed in high school for a catalog that had my name next to Beverly Hills Cox!
and-- i did watch a video- i forget the title, but the plot revolved around a hypnotist !!

-The Other XXXXX!!!

ah well who knows life is funny innit?

Happy Birthday today Mama, and Ozzy

and to Dad in Heaven on Friday
I miss you

and Louie on Saturday, surly grocer sz SF Weekly

And thank you to whom/whatever
for the dream with my deceased friend Joey, I feel strangely better about the whole thing. was it a dream after all? it felt better than that

Friday, 10 October 2003

How insane is California? Ah-nuld is the Governor.... I haven't been this weirded out since Michael Jackson married Lisa Marie Presley :P

Tuesday, 2 September 2003

Downstairs oftentimes there is a SLAM like a toilet-seat coming down and if that is what it is why the fuck is it so loud. ??? I ask ye


I pity the fool!



Kris's title on his business card (from both the Leopard and Shanghai Kelly's) was Drinking Consultant.

I am lacking in creativity lately. In fact I feel like I spelled creativity wrong!


Here is a commentary on my personal life, courtesy of Elvis Presley and BIf Naked:

Isn't it a pity that in this big city
Not a one a'little bitty man'll admit
He could have been a little bit wrong
Clean up your own backyard
Oh don't you hand me, don't you hand me none of your lines
Clean up your own backyard
You tend to your business, I'll tend to mine
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
Well I sound like a philosopher
but I'm a fool who's off her rocker
'Cause I let you in my heart that one last time
But this time, Lord you gave me a mountain
A mountain you know I may never climb
It isn't just a hill any longer
You gave me a mountain this time.
I've had enough, made up my mind
I'm gonna get up and out

I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever
Gonna step right up. Spit shine my soul
I'm gonna be proud and loud and outta control
I'm lookin' in the mirror and I like what I see:
I've lost the fear & the horror that's been eating at me
I've had enough. Made up my mind
I'm gonna get up and out and
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
I'm cool, I'm calm
I'm gonna be okay! Uh huh
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
What now my love
Now that it's over
I feel the world
Closing in on me

Here comes the stars
Tumbling around me
And there's the sky
Where the sea should be

I'm gonna get my way
I love myself today
Not like yesterday
Take another look at me now
'Cause it's your last look
Your last look forever!!
(Chic a bon, chic a bon, chic a bon bon bon bon
Chic a bon, chic a bon, chic a bon bon bon bon)
Sock a little Polk salad to me
You know I need a meal miss
Sock a little Polk salad to him
You know I need a meal
Chinc, chinc, chinc, chin, ling, ling ling

Oh yeah, ever since the world began
a hard headed woman been
a thorn in the side of man.


Friday, 22 August 2003

ps: Go look outside right now... Mars! Mars is out of control and making me damn near insane. The drunken overgrown frat boys outside the bar next door aren't helping. Funny, when we are drunk we forget that people actually LIVE in those apartments you see around, they are not merely for decoration.


that kid ROCKS! I am sorry that he feels he is being made fun of. Maybe the other kids put it on the web to be jerks but now they must feel like assholes because he is a lovable cute kid and makes us all remember what fun it was to be free-spirited and imaginative. Don't let the bastards get you down, kiddo! If you wonder what the fuck, look up Star Wars kid on Google. I didn't know about this til I read it in the paper today. I could link to the stuff but ya know I am too lazy.

Wednesday, 20 August 2003

Tuesday, 29 July 2003

"I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend, but I'm a little glowing friend, but really, I'm not actually your friend, but I am" They Might Be Giants.

Let's see, drink too much. smoke to much, Mr Smoke-too-much, why don't you cut down a little then? I am the quotation queen this eve and what does that say about me?

Maybe I will go back to college. So as to avoid the hateful career trajectory that I am pursuing currently. I am thinking journalism. Yet I can't even write. So, therefore, I am thinking sobriety and see what happens from there. Sounds like a good idea, oh you pretty things don't you know you're driving your mamas and papas insane? no room for me no fun for you.

so that is what's up in the land of....durrrrr....

Wednesday, 2 July 2003

WAAAAHHH! Last Friday was the last night for my favorite bar The Leopard. May she rest in peace. Got lotsa free drinks though. So there is a silver lining in every cloud...as they say. WHo are they, anyway? and what is with the dumb remarks.

Went to Gay Pride and had a blast! Except for the random fight with Kris, which happens a lot and I don't know what do do about it. But ....


I love!!!!! drag queens and I am so jealous that i am not a boy cuz i would do it too! I still try to, but it doesn't have the same vibe. WOW i am such a dork. I was hoping someone would shout "we're here! we're queer! get used to it!" so I could giggle about the Lisa Simpson line "You do this every year! We are used to it!". Point of the weekend for my brain is don't waste so much time being all depressed... think about what a fun and wacky world we all are in.

and.. in closing since i am a wee bit intoxicated.... "sad to say I must be on me way, so buy me beer or whiskey cuz I'm goin' FARRRE AWAY! I'd like to think i'll be returnin when i can, to the greatest little boozer and to Sally McClennane"
is that how you spell McClennane? too lazy to grab the CD. YOu think you knizzle, but you have no idizzle...

Sunday, 15 June 2003

Holy sheeit I haven't written in such a long time!

Let's see today is father's day... so I am missing my dad. Other than that, I am in a pretty good mood for a change. I have been in a funk since last friday night. Kris and I went to Jack London Square. We met Bono from U2. Kris was drunk and very rude to him, which irritated me. I wasn't going to say anything to him at all because I figured that celebrities get sick of people coming up and bugging them all the time. I was waiting for Kris outside of a restaurant that he went in to take a piss, and Bono walked out. And he stood around for a bit with these odd chicks and it turned out they had sent their friend to get a camera or something. Anyway Kris came out and said oh lets say hello and then he drunkedly acted like a jerk calling him Bone-o and saying he looked taller on stage etc. Bono like a true gentleman ignored Kris and took my hand in introduction and kissed it. That fixed Kris's little red wagon, dinnit? Bono is cool.
Anyways Kris got drunker and drunker and he is like fucking Jekyll and Hyde and unless he quits drinking I am though with him.
Kris was good and nice this week and only drank beer and not in mass quantities either. Then he ruined it again this weekend. I don't even want to go in to details and he is asleep right now and I am going to let him sleep until he is a decent human being again. Wanker.
So i finally feel better and got a little cleaning done around the apartment (did like 5 loads of laundry, i need to get rid of some clothes and i can never decide which.)
so...that's that then

Friday, 2 May 2003

I almost forgot about that Ol' Dirty Bastard

Well it is my first Friday off and sooooooooo

Last night we went to see Al's hockey team play and they won... and the other teams was a bunch of pussies who could not even lose gracefully. I mean, they would not shake hands or anything. A thing about men that is weird. So afterward we went to the Stork Club- they are going to sponsor Al's new hockey team. Al had me draw a couple logo ideas for the team... which got me all interested. But he is definitely the white lie king and it turned out he had asked someone else to do the same so who knows which one they will use. And then he told his teammates that I was a graphic artist, like that was my profession and all. Then Micki, the gal that owns the bar, was telling me that I need to get those boys in gear so they can have a fundraiser to raise money for the team and jerseys and everything. So who's to say whether they are really going to have a team or anything. Anyway it was sort of fun to be back at the Stork cuz I have not been there since the Todd days, back when Oppressed Logic used to play there a bit. There was some rotten DJ last night. I was buzzed enough to tune it out but Kris was getting all irritated.

So that story what I wrote got rejected by the company I sent it to. Which is discouraging because I aimed low in my aspirations. It was Red Dress Ink, which is a division of Harlequin of all things which I always think of snootily as utter crap. So my crap is worse than crap and now I better go and watch tv or something like that.


Right now I am reading a great brilliant book called The Diary of a Teenage Girl by Phoebe Gloeckner. It is part drawn and part written and it is the most honest thing I have seen in a while. I think if I read it as a teenager I would have felt comforted by it instead of feeling like a freak which is what I felt like.

Wednesday, 30 April 2003

Run away run away!


It is so weird because lately I have nothing to say. At all. Okay, goodnight...

Sunday, 27 April 2003

Don't ask what was up on that last post. I was having freaky Saturday Night Live nostalgia and then for some reason that led me to posting a picture we took of Kris Kristofferson at the fair. Taken with a Kodak Disc camera, to give you an idea how old it is. And then a nice dripping blood thing because, why not?

My job is kind enough to amend my schedule so that I get Fridays off, too. So now I will start blogging maybe once a week at least cuz i have been so neglectful. Friday mornings, the b-friend will still be snoozing. Maybe I will sign up for the audio blog thing, but that might be a bad idea cuz I would probably only call it when I am drunk! ;)

Sunday, 13 April 2003

"That's the beauty of San Francisco, the rogue clouds. Zippity Zappity Doo-dah, the weather can change just like that." -quoth my boyfriend.

Saturday, 12 April 2003

Okay, now I am scared...really scared!

Thursday, 27 March 2003

hehe was just reading this months entries and i guess i am awfully fond of cut n paste plaguarism lately
lazy beotch :]
WHOA it is all a hoax
don't tell my Ma

Origins: Comedian
Dennis Miller, famous for his informative diatribes on all matters sociological and political (better known as "rants"), has been asserted as the author of the essay quoted above. This piece, sometimes entitled "Trying to Help" and sometimes identified as an "Article in Wichita Falls paper," began circulating on the Internet in March 2003.

Miller, who usually prefaces his sardonic comments with "Now I don't want to get off on a rant here . . ." seems an appropriate person to finger for authorship; the piece is written in something approximating his style, and nothing in the text is all that far removed from comments he is known to have made on his HBO television program, in his stand-up comedy routines, and while appearing as a guest on various talk shows (particularly The Tonight Show with Jay Leno). However, genuine Dennis Miller rants are peppered with pop culture references casually tossed in as verbal exclamation points but are not themselves central to his caustic comments, yet this particular offering contains only two such references, both of them presented as prime points of the essay. More simply, although he's on record as making wry observations similar in nature to those made in the piece now being attributed to him (e.g. "At this point, Ariel Sharon believes the only time Arabs and Jews will share the land is when they're under it" and "You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die"), he makes them in a different way.

This particular offering did run in the Times Record News, the only newspaper in Wichita Falls, Texas. It appeared as a Letter to the Editor on 26 February 2003, with its author identified as W. Wayne Schields of Wichita Falls. How the piece came to be attributed to Dennis Miller remains a mystery. We're left to suspect that someone, in an effort to imbue the essay with credibility, slapped the popular comedian's name onto something he particularly liked and wanted others to likewise appreciate.

We can substantiate that the two checkable points in the rant do indeed stand up to scrutiny: The United Nations Commission on Human Rights is chaired by Najat Al-Hajjaji of the Libyan Arab Jamahiriya, and Iraq was selected to head the United Nations' Conference on Disarmament scheduled to be held in Geneva beginning in May 2003. (Which country chairs the U.N. Conference on Disarmament is determined through "purely automatic rotation by alphabetical order.") However, in mid-February Iraq informed the U.N. that it was giving up its turn at the rotating presidency of the disarmament forum; since Iran had already given up its turn to chair the body as well, the position fell upon the next country on the alphabetical list, Ireland.

Barbara "even rant worthy" Mikkelson
investigating

I got this, don't know if it is really Dennis Miller? Was forwarded email...


THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS "CLARIFICATION."

by DENNIS MILLER

ALL THE RHETORIC ON WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD GO TO WAR AGAINST IRAQ HAS GOT MY INSANE LITTLE BRAIN SPINNING LIKE A ROULETTE WHEEL. I ENJOY READING OPINIONS FROM BOTH SIDES BUT I HAVE DETECTED A HINT OF CONFUSION FROM SOME OF YOU.

AS I WAS READING THE PAPER RECENTLY, I WAS REMINDED OF THE BEST ADVICE SOMEONE EVER GAVE ME. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE KISS METHOD ("KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID!) SO, WITH THIS AS A THEME, I'D LIKE TO APPLY THIS THEORY FOR THOSE WHO DON'T QUITE GET IT. MY HOPE IS THAT WE CAN SIMPLIFY THINGS A BIT AND RECOGNIZE A FEW IMPORTANT FACTS.

HERE ARE 10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN VOICING AN OPINION ON THIS IMPORTANT ISSUE:

1) BETWEEN PRESIDENT BUSH AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ... HUSSEIN IS THE BAD GUY.

2) IF YOU HAVE FAITH IN THE UNITED NATIONS TO DO THE RIGHT THING KEEP THIS IN MIND, THEY HAVE LIBYA HEADING THE COMMITTEE ON HUMAN RIGHTS AND IRAQ HEADING THE GLOBAL DISARMAMENT COMMITTEE. DO YOUR OWN MATH HERE.

3) IF YOU USE GOOGLE SEARCH AND TYPE IN "FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES," YOUR REPLY WILL BE "DID YOU MEAN FRENCH MILITARY
DEFEATS?"

4) IF YOUR ONLY ANTI-WAR SLOGAN IS "NO WAR FOR OIL," SUE YOUR SCHOOL DISTRICT FOR ALLOWING YOU TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS AND ROBBING YOU OF THE EDUCATION YOU DESERVE.

5) SADDAM AND BIN LADEN WILL NOT SEEK UNITED NATIONS APPROVAL BEFORE THEY TRY TO KILL US.

6) DESPITE COMMON BELIEF, MARTIN SHEEN IS NOT THE PRESIDENT. HE PLAYS ONE ON T.V.

7) EVEN IF YOU ARE ANTI-WAR, YOU ARE STILL AN "INFIDEL!" AND BIN LADEN WANTS YOU DEAD, TOO.

8) IF YOU BELIEVE IN A "VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY" BUT NOT IN THE DANGER THAT HUSSEIN POSES, QUIT HANGING OUT WITH THE DELL COMPUTER DUDE.

9) WE ARE NOT TRYING TO LIBERATE THEM.

10) WHETHER YOU ARE FOR MILITARY ACTION OR AGAINST IT, OUR YOUNG MEN AND WOMEN OVERSEAS ARE FIGHTING FOR US TO DEFEND OUR RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT. WE ALL NEED TO SUPPORT THEM WITHOUT RESERVATION.















Thursday, 20 March 2003

I am getting pictures of this city today, unreal....
Yeah, this is a legit story i got off SFGATE.com


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------




08:41 PST -- In a unique form of opposition, some protesters at the Federal Building staged a "vomit in,'' by heaving on the sidewalks and plaza areas in the back and front of the building to show that the war in Iraq made them sick, according to a spokesman.

Many of the approximately 300 protesters demonstrating at the building at 450 Golden Gate Ave. attempted to block building entrances.

Seven anti-war demonstrators were arrested at mid-morning as they sought to block a group of about 20 federal employees and other visitors seeking to enter the building, Department of Homeland Security spokesman Ron Rogers said.

Rogers said all seven were charged with creating a disturbance and two were additionally charged with resisting arrest.

Only the back entrance of the Federal Building on Turk Street was open this morning. People with business inside the building were required to wait outside and were allowed to pass through metal barricades at intervals. The seven arrests occurred during one of the intervals as federal police officers sought to lead visitors around the metal barricades into the building.

On the Larkin Street side of the building, demonstrators blocked the driveway that leads into a basement garage used by federal judges and other officials who work in the building.

Numerous officers from the Federal Protective Service and San Francisco Police Department, wearing helmets and other riot protection gear, formed lines around the building.


My cat puked this morning. Funny, I thought it was just a hairball...






Wednesday, 19 March 2003

And then of course I thought of the Talking Heads song:

LIFE DURING WARTIME

Heard of a van that is loaded with weapons
packed up and ready to go
Heard of some gravesites, out by the highway
a place where nobody knows
The sound of gunfire, off in the distance
I'm getting used to it now
Lived in a brownstone, lived in the ghetto
I've lived all over this town

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
No time for dancing, or lovey dovey
I ain't got time for that now

Transmit the message, to the receiver
hope for an answer some day
I got three passports, couple of visas
don't even know my real name
High on a hillside, trucks are loading
everything's ready to roll
I sleep in the daytime, I work in the nightime
I might not ever get home

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
This ain't no mudd club, or C. B. G. B.
I ain't got time for that now

Heard about Houston? Heard about Detroit?
Heard about Pittsburgh, P. A.?
You oughta know not to stand by the window
somebody might see you up there
I got some groceries, some peanut butter
to last a couple of days
But I ain't got no speakers
ain't got no headphones
ain't got no records to play

Why stay in college? Why go to night school?
Gonna be different this time?
Can't write a letter, can't send a postcard
I can't write nothing at all
This ain't no party, this ain't no disco
this ain't no fooling around
I'd love you hold you, I'd like to kiss you
I ain't got no time for that now

Trouble in transit, got through the roadblock
we blended in with the crowd
We got computers, we're tapping phone lines
I know that ain't allowed
We dress like students, we dress like housewives
or in a suit and a tie
I changed my hairstyle so many times now
don't know what I look like!
You make me shiver, I feel so tender
we make a pretty good team
Don't get exhausted, I'll do some driving
you ought to get you some sleep
Get you instructions, follow directions
then you should change your address
Maybe tomorrow, maybe the next day
whatever you think is best
Burned all my notebooks, what good are notebooks?
They won't help me survive
My chest is aching, burns like a furnace
the burning keeps me alive
Try to stay healthy, physical fitness
don't want to catch no disease
Try to be careful, don't take no chances
you better watch what you say
ok this should be what i was trying to put yesterday

interesting that someone would spend that much time... making that


heheh

Quick plug:
Anyone in SF Bay Area, go see American Pig w/ Anti-Nowhere League at Slim's on Sunday....

Tuesday, 18 March 2003

Aw crap I screwed up the address or something....

YOu know, the weather is becoming very sunny and beautiful and I still can't figure out why that makes me feel so melancholy. I am just so ass backwards.
This guy or gal is more bored than me!



Sigh

I could only look at that at work cuz i don't have dsl at home... that takes a long time at home and I didn't even continue to look at it because it was taking so long. Anyhoo I agree on quite a few but I think the majority belong in that Non-Threatening Boys magazine that Lisa Simpson reaads.

Ah well anything to take my mind off the impending war...

Friday, 14 March 2003

Ugh... I know it is important to be well-informed, etc and to keep on top of current events. But sometimes it is just so depressing you wonder what the point of anything is. I was looking at a story about Elizabeth Smart, a kidnapped girl who was found, thank God. That rare piece of good news. But then it was balanced by a story on the page across form it about a married couple that beheaded their three children. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Wednesday, 12 March 2003

Kris's brother is coming to visit us on Thursday and staying through Sunday. So of course the weather forecast is rain from Thursday through Sunday. So much for sunny California, I guess he is in for a rude awakening.

Wednesday, 26 February 2003

The dumb thing is the whole time I was online Kris was at home and calling me heheh

Well, he lives downstairs in the same building, thought he would've knocked!!

Tuesday, 25 February 2003





IN Such a bad bitter mood, I need to write and write and spill out whatever crap, stupidly happy or pathetically depressing. After all, this new website makes this a little bit more anonymous, eh?

I was watching VH1 of all things and they played Johnny Cash singing Nine Inch Nails "Hurt". And it was so sad and beautiful that I wanted the lyrics. So here they are:


I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

So anyway my lameness s the fact that my highlight of the week thus far was the series finale of OZ. I will miss that show. A great ending, especially bumping off Schillinger and that prick Keller. I was sad about Cyril O'Reilly, and sad at Alvarez's decline. And poor Busmalis can't knock up his little wife, and surely Tim McManus is sexually frustrated as always. So anyways, adieu to Oz- my favorite damn show.




dunno why that picture cuts off the rest of Augustus... hmmm anyway.

Having bad night- here is what i just wrote in my journal (the old fashioned paper kind) followed by the entries leading up to. I think it is safe to say that I am knee-deep in a "bad patch" right about now...


The main reason that I don't like having a boyfriend: nights like this where you have no idea where he is, and he doesn't call. And suddenly you are right back at the first feeling you ever know as a girl loving a boy- insecurity. And worry in this case, too. It is so ignorant of me to be involved with someone who puts alcohol and drugs higher (nice pun) on his list of priorities than people. Or being healthy. or being alive. Every time I have been in a major depression in my life, some fucking guy added fuel to the fire. I have been more depressed lately than I have been in a long time. I used to be able to get through the day at work thinking of it as a necessary evil. Now I just hate it. I used to be able to come home from work and be able to enjoy doing any number of things- drawing, writing. Even just watching TV or a movie used to be more pleasant. *I can't believe I used the word pleasant, i had to just read that twice- not a word I usually use, hmm* Now whn I have time to myself to do whatever, I hate everything that I can do and I am bored and I'm tired and all I can think about is how I probably have ove fifty-some-odd years left in which to bored out of my skull, disgusted with the general public, and neurotic waiting for some fucking asshole to call.

A little cheese to go with my whine?

Journal (xmas gift from Kris) begins with no date, quoting Shakira of all people.

Underneath your clothes
is an endless story
is the man I chose
is my territory
and all the things that I deserve
for being such a good girl, honey

No date also:

You're getting so fat, your innie became an outie. You're like a freakin' Cabbage Patch Kid. I'm surprised Xavier Roberts isn't tattooed on your ass.

December 31 2002

Calendar pages litter the side walk. I pray that I don't get mugged as I walk to Sinbad's...late... where I proceeded to get into a fight with this brittle bitch. An argument more or less. In that insinuating girl way. That makes it impossible for me to be a feminist. Kris is working and this "blonde, big tits... your basic nightmare" that he had the hots for is there with the raccoon-eyed cunt and both are being really snotty to me. Nice friends ya got there, bub. By midnight I am so drunk I don't even realize it is midnight til Kris gestures to me to go outside, which I do, then he grabs me and kisses me and only then do i realize that the sky is alight with fireworks.

January 5th

Football on TV. Alley on lap. Laundry in washer. Kris on bed. Life is good.

I feel like I waste a lot of my time off from work just sitting around, lazy. But who is to say if that is a waste? Maybe the waste is spending most of your time doing a job that you don't like.

LOL "what can brown do for you?"is the slogan for UPS. Yeeeesus

that reminds me of when I worked at Blockbuster and there was a stupid looking horror film called Ghoulies. The box had a photo of a monster coming out of a toilet. It's tag line was "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the bathroom". And Chris (ugh) said that could be an ad for Taco Bell.

Oh, Alley wants a can. Alley is so sweet and so is Minka. I wish Minka would not freak out when we put them together..... oh the thought of it!

I'm just babbling and Kris can't listen because some footballer was "blinded by the light".

I was recalling my sister's funny little kid diary where she wrote "Oh manushevittts!" misspelling Maneshewitz and I think I just did. too. And "Balls of fun rolled up in one" as a title for the day. Today's title, for me, would be...Just as I was thinking of that I spilled my wine. So I guess "Me and My Wine" . "All I can say is, I'm doing fine, just me and my wine."

Kris's day title is "the day that Pittsburg cme back and something 49ers mumble mumble"

In 7 minutes it is time to change the laundry. And put in the load of stuff that I puked all over. I think I do drink too much, too much for me. I shouldn't even drink at all since it is a depressant and I have problems with depression. But it ding dang does feel good at the time. That ten or fifteen minute period of blissful oblivion right before you puke your guts out----

I have learned in matters of watching football (or at least, Kris watching football) that it is best not to participate actively in discussion of the sport, but to merely sit by- not watching, reading- and occasionally look up (when instructed to do so) and say "yes" "wow" "my"

Because God forbid you say something dopey or mix it up with another dull sport, then you would be rewarded with a look of utter disgust, like you are a complete idiot or something.

But Kris is my love and I don't mind the sports-related surlyness. Because he cleans up my cat's puke and my puke and takes care of me and makes me laugh more than anyone else.

Places I want to go
Maine
Australia
Fiji
New York
London again and Scotland and Ireland
Disneyworld again
Las Vegas
New Orleans
So many places, so little money.
I would love it so much just to drive all the way across the country.

I still would like to work on movies and I feel now like I have waited too long. I should try writing a screenplay like Dad suggested. Jesus I am just too fearful of being judged.

Bawls! Cack and Bawls!!

What is up with the 49ers? those rat bastards
what is with me and thinking I am dehydrated
and how much water is one supposed to drink
because I never drank water for shit when I was a kid. Unless it was mixed up with Kool Aid. But maybe that counts.

SO WHAT DO THE MEN ALL HAVE IN COMMON?
different background from me
making me laugh
alcoholic
making me stressed out
older
someone broke their heart
someone saved my life tonight, Sugar Bear

"I don't bite my nails, I chew my skin" -Kris

I do both-

Perfect execution by Jeff Garcia. Dr Jefe UH-OH!

"It's amazing what's going on right here... I don't know what's going on right here, but they'll have to tell me" -Kris

"that just makes me nutty" -football announcer

"History-making stuff" -Krispy Kreme

"it sucks!" - Kris

INterception! Incomplete!

"that could be a fumble" Kris

2nd down and ten

eastbound and down

"just put a little more 7up. Don't put any booze. Please" -me

"Ahhh! Geezus!" -Kris

"You're not writing down ahh, jesus are you?" Kris

"Blocked! Ahh! the Niners win!" Kris

"that will continue the game" announcer

"d'oh!" me

"the game is over!" announcer

"yeee-haw" Kris

"he fucked up" Kris

"heeheeheeheeehawhawhaw" Kris "apply it to whatever you do in life"

NO DATE

Starting Bridget Jones style diary because getting fat, drinking and smoking too much
165 lbs, alcohol units 1 (mild pear cider and sip of wine) Cigarettes 1/2 okay that is not much
Feel gross, ugly, fat, in pain, hate job.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Could use a few more alcohol units but think that is why getting fat. That, and no exercise.
How about Crunch gym? Cardio-striptease?
Tomorrow - starting Atkins Diet
I hope
I have no energy
No chips! No guac! No Bread! goddammit!



2-8-03

Have been very depressed, in that maddeningly vague way where I can't even put my finger on exactly what is making me upset. And prone to writing run-on sentences.

"I drink to drow my sorrows, but the damn things have learned to swim" Frida Kahlo

I am having a day to myself which is what I wanted and yet I am bored, lonely, and don't know what the fuck to do.


1-888-ANXIETY

"invisible tummy trimmer! Don't you wish that ugly bulge would just disappear?"

Yes, I do!









NUTS! thanks for reading it
and you thought Michael Jackson had issues!

Sunday, 23 February 2003

OH no no tonight is the last last last episode of OZ

heheh I don't even care if we keep cable anymore,a girl can only watch so much CNN before she feels like jumping out a window (maybe that is why Kris had it hooked up in his apartment instead of mine....ground floor, ya know? Or maybe he is just selfish) Having off and on rotten mood today that can't be explained away by the full moon. So what the hell is it then? My eternal question...

Thursday, 20 February 2003



what a little shit! That's me..same as always.

Saturday, 15 February 2003

I am affected by the full moon in a manner thought previously to be exclusive to werewolves. I go from normal to whiny, cranky, and indecisive in the space of ten seconds. Then, this hideous transformation lasts anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour, after which I am embarrassed and hard-pressed to explain my insane behavior. It is like PMS only ten times worse. I was supposed to go to my mom's today.. to take BART there and stay overnight and then on to Stockton for my niece's 14th birthday. But I could not bring myself to go and could not figure out why. And was terribly upset and flipping out as described above. Then I decided to stay home and write and draw and drink Bacardi Silver and relax alone. I will get up tomorrow bright and early and high-tail it to BART and then on to Stockton from there. And now I am okay. Calm and relaxed. I just think after working and being around a ton of people all week, a gal needs some time to herself. So i will go tomorrow, stay tomorrow night (Kris will be spared from watching my beloved "Oz"!) and then come home Monday. Phew.

Wednesday, 12 February 2003

Our computer database at work is down, and I really really wish they would just let us go home. It is a gloomy day and I am assaulted by Bin Laden related headlines as I walk down the street. I would really rather be at home dontcha know.

The only ray of sunshine is our tedious work week is KISS FM. I am able to stay in a fairly light mood thanks to the likes of Parliament, Kool and the Gang and Earth, Wind and Fire. So that's my plug-o-rama for the day and now back to busy work paper-fling etc to keep us occupied while we can't do our regular jobs. Bleh!

Friday, 7 February 2003

Just read that the terror alert is at code orange, the second highest code. And I worry about stupid shit like gaining weight. Such an airhead.

Thursday, 6 February 2003

OK- the only thing I don't get about this template is I can't change the line that says "My Funny Motto" to say something else! Blargh! there must be a way.......
Whoa I like this template and my archives finally republished on to blogspot whooo frickin' hoo baby!
I hope I didn't screw this all up by changing the template...

Monday, 27 January 2003

how come i can't get my damn archives to work!! :(
Had a fun weekend, and even got exercise! Rented a tandem bike with Kris and rode to Sausalito. It is about 9 miles or so, and I haven't been on a bicycle since I was a kid. So i was white-knuckling it at first and then had a sore ass afterward from the bicycle seat. But all in all it was a nice mini-vacation.

Thursday, 23 January 2003

I fucking hate this job. How did I ever wind up working in an office??? At least, I would like to work in an office that was behind something i like, like a magazine or a book publisher. THis one.. oh man... and I am interrupted constantly the whole day my nerves are shot. Ok that is my bitch and moan for the day.

how do i make a paragraph break whassupwitdat?
You know, I wonder if I would ultamitely (how do you spell that) be happier single, or if choosing to be single is a wimpy way of not having to deal with a relationship. Still, I think that being single is positive, like saying you can take care of yourself and entertain yourself. Sometimes I really miss having time to myself. At least my boyfriend works tonight. God, does that sound awful? He is jsut so different from me,, he can sit on his ass and watch TV and not feel the least bit like "maybe I should get a steady job/read a book/have a hobby" I mean I like TV sometimes but I come home and it is like he is telling me what happened that day on THe View, ugh! Not to be judgemental, though I guess it is, but I am just different than that and it starts to drive me nuts.

Monday, 20 January 2003

Cleaned and organized my apartment in an frenzy all weekend. Will see how long it remains that way. Actually not quite done. Don't know why I always feel compelled to hang on to clothing for years and years even if I haven't been wearing it. I actually got rid of a large box but still. There is also stuff I would wear for sure if I could but my ass seems to be spreading. got the Atkins diet book. Will see if I can tolerate it. Saw so many scrawny women on the Golden Globes it was like, ugh. I would rather be a lil overweight than bony with no boobs. I mean a lot of those actresses are looking anorexic. It was like the audience was filled with Calista Flockhart.
In TV news....
So many people on OZ are getting killed!!! I mean, it is the last season but that doesn't necessarly mean they have to suddenly off everybody. Geez.

Sunday, 12 January 2003

Just canceled my website
But it sounds like it will stay up for ninety days. Oh well. Don't really have the time or the inclination to do anything with it anymore. Maybe I will do a teensy Geocities one again, when I am real bored or something. Yup.

Monday, 6 January 2003

why isn't thie publishing? bleh!
Getting rid of my big website cuz I don't have the time anymore and it is a waste of money.

so here is an oldie that would otherwise bite the dust:

Read along as I attempt to make some sense of my wretched love life by analyzing my past celebrity crushes and real-life* affaires du coeur**

Childhood celebrity crushes:
First there was Davy Jones, of the Monkees, which I watched in reruns endlessly. The only impact he had, I suppose, was contributing to my life-long attraction for men with British accents. Looking back on him now I would say: cute but short, and have you ever noticed how Axl Rose seemed to copy his dance moves? That snakey, side-to-side thing? Eerie...

Next there was Harrison Ford, and this I believe was the start of my downfall. Here is why: I liked nobody better than Han Solo and Indiana Jones. At face value handsome, rugged, and charming. But also arrogant, cocky, and non-commital. The exact qualities I am helplessly drawn to in men today!! (In all fairness, Han did come around, but look at Indy... that guy was going through chicks like James Bond! And Bond was another movie series that I watched a lot as a kid. And the cherry on the top of my early education in arrogant men was "Jaws". My favorite character in the film? Quint. He was rude, made up dirty rhymes, didn't give a crap what anyone thought about him, and I thought he was super cool!)

Then we have John Travolta, as Danny Zuko in "Grease" (might I add that he is still working his magic to this day: my 12 year old niece has a Danny Zuko picture in her bedroom!) He was cute, he was badass, he did try to change for the girl he loved but it worked out better with her changing for him.

I also had crushes on Bill Murray, in "Meatballs" and "Ghostbusters" and Michael Keaton in "Night Shift". Funnier, but still cocky. Remember how Bill Murray flirted with the chick in "Meatballs"? Flirting bordering on sexual harrasment? Yep, my favorite. D'oh!

Childhood Real Life Crushes:

Well, there was one kid who all the girls liked in third or fourth grade, so I liked him, too. He was new, so he had that air of mystery about him (as much mystery as it's possible to attain at the age of 9). We would do things like passing notes "do you think so-and-so is cute? yes no " with little boxes next to that yes and no so you could check 'em off. This is also the age when we wore gummy bracelets and the big "hobby" was to save all of your eraser shavings in a box. So you would end up with a big box of multicolored eraser shavings. We were very bored, I think.

In middle school I began my pattern of liking guys with bad attitudes. The worst, who I will call Tommy, teased me mercilessly and harrassed me constantly (not unlike Bill Murray in "Meatballs" although definitely more mean-spirited). Needless to say, I was completely smitten with the little weasel.

Teenage Celeb Crushes:

I remember at first having a crush on Michael J. Fox, a clean-cut enough guy. That is until that crappy mullet-and-leather jacket movie with Joan Jett. This blossomed into an affection for rockers with bad hair (i.e. Jon Bon Jovi, Phil Collen[ not Collins-sususudio, but the guitarist for Def Leppard], and a couple guys from Anthrax...)

Later, I developed an inexplicable crush on Robert DeNiro, who is probably my mom's age. This began with the film "Midnight Run". I don't know what to make of it other than I do tend to like guys who swear a lot.

Teenage Real Life:

The person I dated the longest in my teen years was a metalhead bass player wannabe (of the Slayer and Metallica variety). He had long hair, leather jacket, tight jeans, cut the sleeves off his t-shirts, seldom bathed, smoked dope, in short- every mother's nightmare. He also had an annoying habit of trying to pass himself off as a "nonconfomist" by conforming to whatever the other "nonconformists" thought, said, did, wore. This is a phenomenon I will never fully understand. Sadly, some people never outgrow this attitude. Trust me, I've dated a lot of them.

Last 10 Years...

Well as far as celebrity crushes, there was Tim Roth (that British accent thing again). I guess there haven't been to many recently or else they're case-sensitive (such as: Ewan McGregor in "Shallow Grave" = cute, Ewan McGregor as a guest star on "ER" = EGAD!).

My love for men who are probably not a good idea continues unbounded. There was an asshole with a girlfriend and a kid that I fell for by sheer virtue of him flirting with me shamelessly (although I should take some of the blame, I should've steered clear from the beginning. Sometimes I'm the bad guy, too.) The general pattern seems to be: treat me nice- I can't deal with it, treat me like crap- I'm all over you like white on rice. That's an exaggeration, but it feels true. I recognize the pattern, sometimes I put a stop to it, but you can't help how you feel deep down. If only I could blame it all on Indiana Jones, but that doesn't work. It's my own kooky brain.

*names have been altered so nobody gets mad
**my french is very rusty so that's probably not spelled right. I just though it would look nice.