Monday, 30 July 2001

Don't Drink Coffee After Dinner- A Cautionary Tale

Recently, I met a very sweet guy that I was interested in. We were about to go on our second date. Unfortunately my body conspired against me and caused me embarrassment like I have never known before.

Erik lives about 45 minutes away from me. Our plans were to go to a movie. He has picked me up for our last date, so I decided to meet him in his neighborhood this time. I went to his house and he cooked me dinner. All was going well…and then I made the big mistake. I drank coffee. Then we went for a walk. A long walk. Uphill, might I add.

We got back, and we were getting ready to go to the movie. My stomach made the dreaded rumble that can only mean whatever you ate is going to soon make a hasty exit. I didn’t want to have diarrhea at his house. I figured I could hold it until the movie theater (everyone else is always stinking up public restrooms so why should I be any different?). We headed out. “Oh, look at the time,” said Erik, “we’re 20 minutes from the theater, I don’t think we are going to make it.” I don’t think I’m going to make it, I thought, and my stomach gurgled in reply. We drove on for a moment, and noticed that the same movie was also playing at a theater right down the block, unbeknownst to us and also Moviefone, apparently. It was playing one hour later. Erik got tickets. He said we could go back to his house and hang out a while longer. “Um…” I said, (uuuurgh, I was thinking) “I feel a little nauseous, could be stop somewhere and get a Sprite or something?” Erik said sure, then added, “I hope it wasn’t my cooking.” Poor guy. It was the damn coffee and my nerves.

We stopped at a 7-11. D’oh! I had been hoping for somewhere with a bathroom. Then I noticed a pizza joint next store. A chorus of Handel’s “Messiah” sounded in my head. I told Erik that I was going to go in and use their restroom because I felt like I was going to throw up (somehow that seemed less unpleasant than telling him the truth). So I snuck into their restroom. Full on traveler’s type ‘rhea. At least that is over with, I thought unknowingly.

We drove back to Erik’s house. I started up the stairs and felt dizzy. “Oh man, I think I’m going to puke!” I said (for real this time). “It’s okay,” Erik said, “you can throw up over their if you need to” (right there being over the side of the porch and into the bushes). “Okay,” I said, “YAAAAAARRRRRRK!” And up came the remains of the nice dinner he cooked for me. He went inside. Oh man, he is hating me, I thought. He came back with a cold washrag that he placed on my forehead, and he put his arm around me. He looked at me very earnestly and asked if I had an eating disorder.

We went inside and I felt so dumb. “I’m really embarrassed,” I said. “It’s okay, you don’t have to be embarrassed.” He asked if I wanted tea or anything. I didn’t. I went to lie down. He put the TV on with no sound. Erik got out his guitar and played me a little song. “Don’t be embarrassed…” he sang, “we all get a little sick sometimes…it happens to the best of us…especially when ‘NSYNC is on the TV…” My stomach hurt when I laughed.

Prior to this, we had only shared one quick goodnight kiss. I figured that after this little adventure, there would be no kissing for the ol’ gal tonight. But happily, later on (after the movie and me brushing my teeth) I got a proper kiss. So I guess, as they say, all’s well that ends well. Although, I couldn’t help thinking of that quote from Wayne’s World: “If you blow chunks and she comes back, she’s yours. But if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be.”

Sunday, 22 July 2001

how come this is posting and not publishing? aiee the computer is freakin' out... by the way I found out that my website will make make a computer crash if it isn't a super fast one like the one I'm borrowing right now.... that's becuase I put way too much stuff on each page, I guess. Oh well, who's lookin' at it anyway? okay, let's see if this publishes now...
Met a guy, went on a date. He is really cool and I had a great time. I can't figure it out...what have I done right?

Monday, 16 July 2001

Currently functioning on three hours of sleep...

ooohwee the process! my favorite... i shit you not. Met Troy, who is the lead singer, briefly. He remembered me from their last show, I think because I'm the dope that knows all the words... the Rats were there too... who needs Grant? I liked 'em with Darrin as the singer. Also for the first time I saw the Angry Amputees... heard the name, was like "hmm" saw that the bass player actually was an amputee... so it's not just a clever name (Wayne Campbell:"the Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?" Meatloaf:"they suck")[why is it that I relate almost everything to some movie? I am nuts] Anyhooo they were cool.

The second Jamie at work lasted approximately 4 days. Evil Jamie reigns supreme *maniacal laughter* But really, she seemed alright... what is up with my workplace???

Friday, 13 July 2001

Shit I am always writing on Fridays... I just looked back and realized that. Some might say I have no life. I have one, I just don't want it that much.
*GOOD NEWS* in form of what looked like *bad news* came to me via e-mail. {insert ex-boyfriend's band name here} BACK FROM EUROPEAN TOUR it said, more or less (had stupid uses of the f-word... "Califucknia"? that's not a good pun even. It's a good word when used properly like fuck you or fuck, I'm bored or fuck! I missed the BART train. But not in the form of a stupid pun how obnoxious.) [I think it should be obvious that I'm exhausted right now and rambling on incessantly and MUST BE STOPPED!] The point being that I thought aw, crap what if {he's} at the show Sunday? But I read further and they are in Fresno Sunday rotflmao! And by the way, what the fuck am I doing on their mailing list!
Where am I on a Friday night? Home in front of the computer! But really I don't feel social. Sometimes I hate being around people, I'm around people all damn day. My friend, he gets depressed if he is not out and around other people. Me, I get depressed being around people. I am sick of them all!!! Just kidding, but I don't like to go out every night on the weekend. And I'm going out Sunday. Sooo today I'm writing and it is a relief from listening to people talk.

Man I am stressed out at work. Lots of new stuff to learn and lots of old stuff I'm getting behind on in the process. (speaking of The Process... Sunday sunday sunday! See them shake hands with the Devil as they roar through the gates of Hell! *I think that's an old monster truck spoof from David Letterman*)

Oh well the point I was beginning to make was work= woowee! We are getting some dorks for job applcants. First there was a Todd. My boss Eric hired the Todd on the spot. Next day the Todd calls and says he only wants to work there if he can make 15 bucks an hour. Fat chance. He didn't even have another job offer or anything. What a re-Todd. Then we had this chick coming in for an interview that called in to cancel, she got scared and sweaty driving on the bridge. And she tells Eric this! I thought I had problems! So we hire another Jamie, and I'm sure she doesn't want to be called #2 so I said it breaks down like this: she is good and I am EVIL. EVIL JAMIE. Then this fool comes in today, I'm just getting back from break so he rides up in the elevator. "So tell me, is it pretty chill working here?" he's this young hipster guy. Oh yeah, chill is just how I'd describe it...NOT! I think chill is my least favorite adjective, unless it has "ed" on the end and is describing white wine. Then I hear him telling Eric he wants 16 bucks an hour. Where are these people getting their delusions? Or are people hiring for the stuff I'm doing and offering that much? I wouldn't mind that! Shit!

Oh yeah Socal Distortion was a good show. The band was cool anyway, I could have done without the stupid frat boys spilling beer all over and it smelled like a gymnasium in there. And then this guy comes out of the pit with no shirt and bumps into me as though I might enjoy having another person's perspiration coating my arm. I sound prissy but it's been a long time since I was in the middle of a crowd like that. Smaller clubs have less of a sweaty-frat-boy factor. Although there was that time at Connelly's when Oppressed Logic was playing and some kook jumped up on a table and started whacking off. At least that was funny though. To me, anyway, but I don't get out much, like I was saying before.

Saturday, 7 July 2001

Well... seeing Social Distortion tomorrow
The Process is coming next week, and all is right with my world.

Friday I ran in to some poor chump that my former roomate used to string along (her preferred method of "courting"). I was all "aren't you John?" because he was staring and I thought that he already recognized me or somethin'. "yeah" "you went out with my roomate, T******" "uhhhh I think you have the wrong John" "no I swear to god this is where she met you" (a bouncer at a club, he is) "uhhh" (embarassed) "yeah John you were at our house... she got mad because I was talking to you about collecting action figures" "oh yeah, your hair is different" (he couldn't back out at this point poor guy and then I was sorry for him that I'd even brought it up.

Just noticed I'm in the Yahoo! search engine, but mainly if you type real specific things like kookychick252 or this chick is off her rocker. Or unladen swallow production. Someone might type unladen swallow for the hell of it. But I doubt it. What am I doing typing this? I've had barely any sleep I should be resting. "My... God... woman!" my nephew might say, in a Mayor Quimby voice (which is basically a Kennedy voice, huh?) My nephew is a crack up. I wish I saw him and Chrissy more.