what a weird day today was....
my sister talked me into going to see some "motivational speaker" and I figured what the heck, it was free, it might be funny and I will have plenty of time to mock it when I'm living in a van down by the river.
So we went, and it was some weirdo Christian thing...my sister's friends had recommended this lady. She came out and started talking about speaking in tongues...I thought that means you are possessed by a demon. But apparently, according to this woman, that is a viable way of praying to God. She said in the morning (the moment she wakes up, before she puts on her makeup) she says a little prayer in tongues. She was literally going "hummminaaa summina babalooooo" okay she didn't say babaloo. But she asked for everyone to let the Holy Spirit fill them and all the people around me started making strange noises and some of them were weeping. I said Baba Booey three times. Ya know, I do speak in tongues from time to time but I would not think it was praying. I thought it was a symptom of drunkeness. Anyway, my sister- who is Christian as hell (not that Hell is Christian...I mean..ya know what I mean) turned to me and said let's go. Which was good cuz I was choking back more giggles than I could stifle without causing myself physical pain. This preacher lady was like a cross between Dorothy and Blanche on the Golden Girls. She had Dorothy's face and voice and Blanche's hair and accent. What's scary is if it hadn't been for my sister I probably would have continued to watch. It was crazy. You're all individuals! "Yes! We are all individuals!" heheheh.
Saturday, 5 November 2005
Thursday, 3 November 2005
House o' Mouse
Yesterday, from out of the photo printer, there ran a wee little mousie. I was refilling the water tank just as Ms Mousie did a quick run toward me, then pivoted quick as a wink and ran back underneath. I almost spilled the water but I was proud of myself for not screaming. If it was a big spider I would have screamed.
I guess it was making a home inside the machine because it is warm in there, but I am afraid it will chew a cord to something important and the machine will break. Or we will have a paper jam and open the machine to find mousie jam. Jessica theorized that the photo processing chemicals will cause it to mutate so then our store will be not only mouse infested but, horror of horrors, mutant mouse infested!
That would actually improve the dull dreary days somewhat.
I guess it was making a home inside the machine because it is warm in there, but I am afraid it will chew a cord to something important and the machine will break. Or we will have a paper jam and open the machine to find mousie jam. Jessica theorized that the photo processing chemicals will cause it to mutate so then our store will be not only mouse infested but, horror of horrors, mutant mouse infested!
That would actually improve the dull dreary days somewhat.
Tuesday, 1 November 2005
Shoporgasm
Today I went skipping about wildly in response to making several purchases. It is high time I got laid. Sheesh.
I am kinda broke and I must stop using my credit card. I would cut that little motherfucker up right now except for then how would I buy anyone any Christmas presents? The money I earn goes to
a) rent
b) phone, credit card, and internet bills
c) gas
d) food
and then it is gone. Sometimes it is gone before the food bit, another useful diet tip.
Well shit!
But anyway I bought me some Revenge of the Sith, it wa a forgone conclusion that I would buy that but then you know what those bastards went and did? They released the entire series of Sex and the City, in a velvety package...I had not bought any of the series yet...always intending to and yet always managing to restrain myself...Now today I had my regular 10% discount plus also a 10% off coupon plus also when you buy that they give you a $10 giftcard so it pretty much paid for Star Wars too. So how could I resist when I am bored as fuck over here.
Went on bad first date. I still love my old boyfriend and he still loves me and he is one of my favorite friends so I guess the only way I will be able to really start dating other people is to not be friends with him any more and that would suck. Anyway the guy I went out with was a former coworker of my mothers, who met me at her wedding...and he was just. I dunno. You know how sometimes people make you uncomfortable for no particular reason? He was kind of a staring type and an overly interested type and that really puts me off. I am like the only girl in the world who is put off by a guy being interested in her heheheheheh. I am pretty much fucked in the dating department. The word of the day is FUCK say it loud and proud.
My coworker hurt his back, really bad, so he may be out for 2 weeks or more which means I am going to be working a lot. Which is good in a way but yuck in another way cuz now other shopoholics like myself are hitting the store hardcore and being impatient and annoying and pushy.
ANd xmas is coming up which is depressing and family life is awkward for the holidays with my oldest sister divorced, my father deceased and greatly missed and my mother remarried to a guy who is I will admit very nice but nevertheless is not my dad. So it's just a reminder. And his daughter is bitchy.
The word of the day is FUCK and the sentence structure of the day is run-on and poorly punctuated. I am over sharing and can't afford a therapist so thank you internet for allowing me to just type it all out and share my neurosis with the world in general.
I am kinda broke and I must stop using my credit card. I would cut that little motherfucker up right now except for then how would I buy anyone any Christmas presents? The money I earn goes to
a) rent
b) phone, credit card, and internet bills
c) gas
d) food
and then it is gone. Sometimes it is gone before the food bit, another useful diet tip.
Well shit!
But anyway I bought me some Revenge of the Sith, it wa a forgone conclusion that I would buy that but then you know what those bastards went and did? They released the entire series of Sex and the City, in a velvety package...I had not bought any of the series yet...always intending to and yet always managing to restrain myself...Now today I had my regular 10% discount plus also a 10% off coupon plus also when you buy that they give you a $10 giftcard so it pretty much paid for Star Wars too. So how could I resist when I am bored as fuck over here.
Went on bad first date. I still love my old boyfriend and he still loves me and he is one of my favorite friends so I guess the only way I will be able to really start dating other people is to not be friends with him any more and that would suck. Anyway the guy I went out with was a former coworker of my mothers, who met me at her wedding...and he was just. I dunno. You know how sometimes people make you uncomfortable for no particular reason? He was kind of a staring type and an overly interested type and that really puts me off. I am like the only girl in the world who is put off by a guy being interested in her heheheheheh. I am pretty much fucked in the dating department. The word of the day is FUCK say it loud and proud.
My coworker hurt his back, really bad, so he may be out for 2 weeks or more which means I am going to be working a lot. Which is good in a way but yuck in another way cuz now other shopoholics like myself are hitting the store hardcore and being impatient and annoying and pushy.
ANd xmas is coming up which is depressing and family life is awkward for the holidays with my oldest sister divorced, my father deceased and greatly missed and my mother remarried to a guy who is I will admit very nice but nevertheless is not my dad. So it's just a reminder. And his daughter is bitchy.
The word of the day is FUCK and the sentence structure of the day is run-on and poorly punctuated. I am over sharing and can't afford a therapist so thank you internet for allowing me to just type it all out and share my neurosis with the world in general.
Sunday, 30 October 2005
oh happy day
I found something I was looking high and low for. When you stop looking, you find it. Ya know?
Here are two cool and cute family things that happened recently...
One of the twins had to write a paper for her class about her family. She was explaining how her brother is her half brother: "how this happened," she wrote, "is his mother was pregnant with him and my father was somehow involved". Too cute, that kid. 2nd grade. I dunno if being twins makes kids learn language faster or what but they use big words and they both can read amazingly fast...they are very smart and funny. I miss living near to them so much!
The other is that I got to see my nephew's new band, they are fantastic...he was amazing. And the cute thing was after they played his girlfriend was helping him put away his cords, etc and these lil gals came up to him and asked if they could get their picture taken with him. And his girlfriend didn't bat an eye about it and even volunteered to take the picture for them. AWwwww. They are good kids. Well, he is an adult now but U know what I mean.
Here are two cool and cute family things that happened recently...
One of the twins had to write a paper for her class about her family. She was explaining how her brother is her half brother: "how this happened," she wrote, "is his mother was pregnant with him and my father was somehow involved". Too cute, that kid. 2nd grade. I dunno if being twins makes kids learn language faster or what but they use big words and they both can read amazingly fast...they are very smart and funny. I miss living near to them so much!
The other is that I got to see my nephew's new band, they are fantastic...he was amazing. And the cute thing was after they played his girlfriend was helping him put away his cords, etc and these lil gals came up to him and asked if they could get their picture taken with him. And his girlfriend didn't bat an eye about it and even volunteered to take the picture for them. AWwwww. They are good kids. Well, he is an adult now but U know what I mean.
Tuesday, 25 October 2005
Computer Blue
is a Prince song
Wow I haven't been on the internet in a while because my computer was completely screwed up. Now it is finally fixed. It had 6 viruses. My computer is a sleaze.
I was lucky because my sister has a friend who owes her money and this friend has a husband who is a member of the geek squad so he came over and fixed my computer. Some months ago he had fixed my sisters computer so now they must be pretty much square. All though you never know with my sister. Case in point (what am I saying? you can tell I am tired when I say stuff like case in point, but anyway) my sister will think nothing of finishing any grocery item I buy, despite the fact that she rarely buys any groceries. She once ate a block of pepper jack cheese that I was saving for a recipe I was making the next day. But she guards stuff she bought with her life. She always buys this cheap ass wine that is like $2.99 and then you can tell she intentionally hides the bottle behind other stuff in the fridge like she thinks I will take some. Tonight she was watching her favorite show and I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She tore into the kitchen like shot to grab the wine bottle and pour the last glass for herself. During the show which she never misses... so I know she was doing it so I couldn't have any. Sis I don't want your ghetto wine. And if I did I would say "do you mind if I have some" She doesn't ever ask first about anything. She polished off a bag of chips I bought. She would never buy chips herself. I could call her on this but she is always having issue after issue. So maybe her having the guy fix my computer makes it so I can just ignore her annoying habits. Anyway I have gone down two pants sizes since I moved in with her, and I was a bit chubby before, so I guess that is one way to diet.
Having the dude over to fix the computer prompted me to vacuum and do laundry and straighten up, so that was a bonus because I usually can't get motivated to clean my room. But now the clean sheets and stuff are piled on top of the unmade bed and my cat was giving me a dirty look like get off the goddamn computer already. Now she is sleeping on a tiny corner of the bed that doesn't have junk piled all over it. Now I will have to disturb her. This reminds me of a Fuzzy Memory by Jack Handey...because that is just how my brain works..."What started out to be a nice pleasant drive in the country turned into the "Afternoon from Hell."
First of all, when Marta and I were leaving, the cats looked at us like, "Where are you going?"
Then, when we were driving, we had to stop and get gas. So right there that's time taken away from looking at the scenery.
Then, when we get home, guess what the cats are doing? Sleeping! Man, what next?" I literally just googled "marta cats sleeping man what next jack handey" and the quote came up on a site. This internet is about the craziest shit ever. What next indeed.
Wow I haven't been on the internet in a while because my computer was completely screwed up. Now it is finally fixed. It had 6 viruses. My computer is a sleaze.
I was lucky because my sister has a friend who owes her money and this friend has a husband who is a member of the geek squad so he came over and fixed my computer. Some months ago he had fixed my sisters computer so now they must be pretty much square. All though you never know with my sister. Case in point (what am I saying? you can tell I am tired when I say stuff like case in point, but anyway) my sister will think nothing of finishing any grocery item I buy, despite the fact that she rarely buys any groceries. She once ate a block of pepper jack cheese that I was saving for a recipe I was making the next day. But she guards stuff she bought with her life. She always buys this cheap ass wine that is like $2.99 and then you can tell she intentionally hides the bottle behind other stuff in the fridge like she thinks I will take some. Tonight she was watching her favorite show and I went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She tore into the kitchen like shot to grab the wine bottle and pour the last glass for herself. During the show which she never misses... so I know she was doing it so I couldn't have any. Sis I don't want your ghetto wine. And if I did I would say "do you mind if I have some" She doesn't ever ask first about anything. She polished off a bag of chips I bought. She would never buy chips herself. I could call her on this but she is always having issue after issue. So maybe her having the guy fix my computer makes it so I can just ignore her annoying habits. Anyway I have gone down two pants sizes since I moved in with her, and I was a bit chubby before, so I guess that is one way to diet.
Having the dude over to fix the computer prompted me to vacuum and do laundry and straighten up, so that was a bonus because I usually can't get motivated to clean my room. But now the clean sheets and stuff are piled on top of the unmade bed and my cat was giving me a dirty look like get off the goddamn computer already. Now she is sleeping on a tiny corner of the bed that doesn't have junk piled all over it. Now I will have to disturb her. This reminds me of a Fuzzy Memory by Jack Handey...because that is just how my brain works..."What started out to be a nice pleasant drive in the country turned into the "Afternoon from Hell."
First of all, when Marta and I were leaving, the cats looked at us like, "Where are you going?"
Then, when we were driving, we had to stop and get gas. So right there that's time taken away from looking at the scenery.
Then, when we get home, guess what the cats are doing? Sleeping! Man, what next?" I literally just googled "marta cats sleeping man what next jack handey" and the quote came up on a site. This internet is about the craziest shit ever. What next indeed.
Friday, 23 September 2005
If you know me, you know I have always been kind of conflicted about religion. But my sister forwarded me this email, and I really like it.
I dreamed I had an interview with God.
"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; What questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about mankind?"
God answered:
"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
"That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
"That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."
God's hands took mine and we were silent for awhile and then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
"To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
"To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
"To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
"To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.
"To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.
"To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
~Author Unknown ~
I dreamed I had an interview with God.
"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; What questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about mankind?"
God answered:
"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.
"That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.
"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.
"That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."
God's hands took mine and we were silent for awhile and then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved.
"To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.
"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!
"To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.
"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.
"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
"To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
"To learn that money can buy everything but happiness.
"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.
"To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.
"To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
~Author Unknown ~
Thursday, 15 September 2005
Why I Hate to Read the Newspaper
Besides all the normal depressing things such as hurricanes, inept political leaders, etc...There is seriously fucked up shit going on all over. Example for today: in Florida...A married couple was convicted of torturing 5 of their 7 adopted children. Starvation...pulling toenails out with a pair of pliers...cattle prod...they had 14 year old twins that weighed 38 pounds each. Do you know what the sentence was for these sick pieces of shit? 15 years. 15 YEARS...that is a sneeze compared to what they did to those children. It raises disturbing questions... How do seriously evil demented people like that manage to adopt 7 children??? is it that easy to adopt children? Imagine an unwanted pregnancy... Abortion seems kind compared to the chance of letting some crazy demented bastards have your kid. And what the hell kind of sentence is that? 15 years. The prisons are clogged with drug offenders yet immoral rotten people like that are allowed to go free.
I have nothing else to say tonight but what the fuck is wrong with this world?
I have nothing else to say tonight but what the fuck is wrong with this world?
Wednesday, 31 August 2005
Crap we've said since forever
Algy saw a bear
the bear saw algy
the bear was bulgy
and the bulge was algy
the cutest boy (the cutest boy)
I ever saw ( I ever saw)
was sippin' ci- (was sippin' ci)
der through a straw (der though a straw)
the cutest boy I ever saw, was sippin' cider though a, cider through a straw
I asked him if he'd show me how to sip some cider through a straw
so cheek to cheek and jaw to jaw we sipped that cider through a straw
but now and then that straw would slip and we'd sip cider lip to lip
that's how I got my mother in law and 29 kids all call me ma
the moral of this little joke is don't sip cider sip a coke
Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven, the steamboat went to
Hell-o operator, please give me number 9
and if you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the
Behind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy fell upon it, and cut her little
Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies
Miss Lucy told this to me the day before she died died died
Fried ham friend ham
Cheese and bologna
After the macaroni
we'll have pickles mustard and relish
then we'll have some more fried ham fried ham fried ham
My name is l-i l-i
chickle-i chickle-i
pom pom baby
don't like whiskey
Chinese, Japanese, Indian FREEZE
Kemo kymo Delaware
Ma-rhyme, ma-rhome
Ma-rumplestickle
Bum's tickle
Soup back nit pack
Periwinkle
Polly won't you kye me oh
the bear saw algy
the bear was bulgy
and the bulge was algy
the cutest boy (the cutest boy)
I ever saw ( I ever saw)
was sippin' ci- (was sippin' ci)
der through a straw (der though a straw)
the cutest boy I ever saw, was sippin' cider though a, cider through a straw
I asked him if he'd show me how to sip some cider through a straw
so cheek to cheek and jaw to jaw we sipped that cider through a straw
but now and then that straw would slip and we'd sip cider lip to lip
that's how I got my mother in law and 29 kids all call me ma
the moral of this little joke is don't sip cider sip a coke
Miss Lucy had a steamboat, the steamboat had a bell
Miss Lucy went to heaven, the steamboat went to
Hell-o operator, please give me number 9
and if you disconnect me, I'll kick you in the
Behind the refrigerator, there was a piece of glass
Miss Lucy fell upon it, and cut her little
Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies
Miss Lucy told this to me the day before she died died died
Fried ham friend ham
Cheese and bologna
After the macaroni
we'll have pickles mustard and relish
then we'll have some more fried ham fried ham fried ham
My name is l-i l-i
chickle-i chickle-i
pom pom baby
don't like whiskey
Chinese, Japanese, Indian FREEZE
Kemo kymo Delaware
Ma-rhyme, ma-rhome
Ma-rumplestickle
Bum's tickle
Soup back nit pack
Periwinkle
Polly won't you kye me oh
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