Doucheblog

Getting rid of my big website cuz I don't have the time anymore and it is a waste of money.

so here is an oldie that would otherwise bite the dust:

Read along as I attempt to make some sense of my wretched love life by analyzing my past celebrity crushes and real-life* affaires du coeur**

Childhood celebrity crushes:
First there was Davy Jones, of the Monkees, which I watched in reruns endlessly. The only impact he had, I suppose, was contributing to my life-long attraction for men with British accents. Looking back on him now I would say: cute but short, and have you ever noticed how Axl Rose seemed to copy his dance moves? That snakey, side-to-side thing? Eerie...

Next there was Harrison Ford, and this I believe was the start of my downfall. Here is why: I liked nobody better than Han Solo and Indiana Jones. At face value handsome, rugged, and charming. But also arrogant, cocky, and non-commital. The exact qualities I am helplessly drawn to in men today!! (In all fairness, Han did come around, but look at Indy... that guy was going through chicks like James Bond! And Bond was another movie series that I watched a lot as a kid. And the cherry on the top of my early education in arrogant men was "Jaws". My favorite character in the film? Quint. He was rude, made up dirty rhymes, didn't give a crap what anyone thought about him, and I thought he was super cool!)

Then we have John Travolta, as Danny Zuko in "Grease" (might I add that he is still working his magic to this day: my 12 year old niece has a Danny Zuko picture in her bedroom!) He was cute, he was badass, he did try to change for the girl he loved but it worked out better with her changing for him.

I also had crushes on Bill Murray, in "Meatballs" and "Ghostbusters" and Michael Keaton in "Night Shift". Funnier, but still cocky. Remember how Bill Murray flirted with the chick in "Meatballs"? Flirting bordering on sexual harrasment? Yep, my favorite. D'oh!

Childhood Real Life Crushes:

Well, there was one kid who all the girls liked in third or fourth grade, so I liked him, too. He was new, so he had that air of mystery about him (as much mystery as it's possible to attain at the age of 9). We would do things like passing notes "do you think so-and-so is cute? yes no " with little boxes next to that yes and no so you could check 'em off. This is also the age when we wore gummy bracelets and the big "hobby" was to save all of your eraser shavings in a box. So you would end up with a big box of multicolored eraser shavings. We were very bored, I think.

In middle school I began my pattern of liking guys with bad attitudes. The worst, who I will call Tommy, teased me mercilessly and harrassed me constantly (not unlike Bill Murray in "Meatballs" although definitely more mean-spirited). Needless to say, I was completely smitten with the little weasel.

Teenage Celeb Crushes:

I remember at first having a crush on Michael J. Fox, a clean-cut enough guy. That is until that crappy mullet-and-leather jacket movie with Joan Jett. This blossomed into an affection for rockers with bad hair (i.e. Jon Bon Jovi, Phil Collen[ not Collins-sususudio, but the guitarist for Def Leppard], and a couple guys from Anthrax...)

Later, I developed an inexplicable crush on Robert DeNiro, who is probably my mom's age. This began with the film "Midnight Run". I don't know what to make of it other than I do tend to like guys who swear a lot.

Teenage Real Life:

The person I dated the longest in my teen years was a metalhead bass player wannabe (of the Slayer and Metallica variety). He had long hair, leather jacket, tight jeans, cut the sleeves off his t-shirts, seldom bathed, smoked dope, in short- every mother's nightmare. He also had an annoying habit of trying to pass himself off as a "nonconfomist" by conforming to whatever the other "nonconformists" thought, said, did, wore. This is a phenomenon I will never fully understand. Sadly, some people never outgrow this attitude. Trust me, I've dated a lot of them.

Last 10 Years...

Well as far as celebrity crushes, there was Tim Roth (that British accent thing again). I guess there haven't been to many recently or else they're case-sensitive (such as: Ewan McGregor in "Shallow Grave" = cute, Ewan McGregor as a guest star on "ER" = EGAD!).

My love for men who are probably not a good idea continues unbounded. There was an asshole with a girlfriend and a kid that I fell for by sheer virtue of him flirting with me shamelessly (although I should take some of the blame, I should've steered clear from the beginning. Sometimes I'm the bad guy, too.) The general pattern seems to be: treat me nice- I can't deal with it, treat me like crap- I'm all over you like white on rice. That's an exaggeration, but it feels true. I recognize the pattern, sometimes I put a stop to it, but you can't help how you feel deep down. If only I could blame it all on Indiana Jones, but that doesn't work. It's my own kooky brain.

*names have been altered so nobody gets mad
**my french is very rusty so that's probably not spelled right. I just though it would look nice.