This may well be the best thing ever!!!

Gizoogle

you can look up any web pages and it translates them Doggy-style.

click here to see Blogger off the hizzle



Here is something from my page:

Read along as I attempt ta makes some sense of mah wretched love life by mackin' mah past celebrity crushes n real-life* affaires du coeur**

Childhood celebrity crushes:
Fizzirst there was Davy Jones, of tha Monkees, whiznich I watched in reruns endlessly. The only impact he had, I suppose, was doggy stylin' ta mah life-long attraction fo` men wit British Accents. Look'n bizzack on him now I would say wit da big Bo$$ Dogg: skanky but short, n have you ever noticed how Axl Rizzy seemed ta copy his dance moves? That snakey, side-to-side thing? Eerie...

Nizzle there was Harrison Ford, n this I believe was tha start of mah downfall. Here is why: I liked nobody playa tizzle Han Solo n Indiana Jones. At face value handsome, rugged, n charming. But also arrogant, cocky, n non-commital. The exact qualities I am helplessly drizzawn ta in men as an adult!! (In all fairness, Han did come around, but look at Indy... tizzle homey was going through chicks like James Bond! And Bond was motherfucka movie series thizzay I watched a lot as a kid. And tha cherry on tha top of mah early education in arrogant men was "Jaws". My favorite brotha in tha film? Quint. He was rude, made up dirty rhymes, didn't gizzy a crap what anyone thought `bout him, n I thought he was snoopa cool!)

Tizzle we hizzy Jizzle Travolta, as D-A-Double-Nizzy Zuko in "Grease" He was cute, he was badass, he did try ta change fo` tha gizzle he loved but it worked out poser wit her straight trippin' fo` him fo' real.

I also had crushes on Bizzill Murray, in "Meatballs" n "Ghostbusters" n Michael Keaton in "Night Shift". Drug Deala but still cocky. Killa how Bill Murray flirted wit tha chizzick in "Meatballs"? Flirt'n border'n on sexual harrasment? Yep, mah favorite. D'iznoh . You gotta check dis shit out yo!

Childhood Rizzy Life Crushes:
Well, there was one kid who all tha bitchez liked in third or fourth grade, so I liked him, too. He was new, so he had tizzy air of mystery `bout him (as much mystery as it's possible ta attain at tha age of 9). We would do th'n like blunt-rollin' notes "do you think so-and-so is cute? yes no " wit shawty boxes next ta thizzay yes n no so you could C-H-to-tha-izzeck 'em Off. This is also tha age when we wore gummy bracelets n tha big "hobby" was ta save all of yo erasa dippin' in a box. So you would end up wit a big box of multicolored pimp shavings. We were very bored, I thiznink like a motha fucka.

In middle schoo` I began mah pattern of lik'n guys wit bad attitudes. The wizzay one was a creep who teazed me mercilessly n harrassed me constantly (not unlike Bizzle Murray in "Meatballs" although def mizzy mean-spirited). Idiot thizzat I am, I was completely smitten wit tha shawty weazel.

Teenage Celeb Crushes:
I brotha at first hav'n a crush on Michael J. Fiznox, a clean-cut enough guy. Thiznat is until that crappy mullet-and-leatha jacket movie wit Joan Jett. This blossomed into an affection fo` rocka wit bad hizzle (i.e. Jon Bon Jovi, Phil Collen[not Collins-sususizzles but tha guitarist fo` Def Leppard], n a couple guys frizzay Anthrax...)

Gangsta I developed an inexplicable crush on Robert DeNiro, who is probably mah mom's age. This began wit tha film "Midnight Run". I dizzon't know wizzy ta makes of it tizzle I do tend ta like guys who swear a lot.

Teenage Rizzle Life:
The person I dated tha longest in mah teen years was a metalhead bass killa wannabe (of tha Slaya n Metallica Variety). He had long hair, gangsta jacket, tight jeans, cut tha sleeves off his t-shirts, seldom bathed, smoked dope, in short- every motha's nightmare. He also had an annoy'n habit of mackin' ta pass himself off as a "nonconfomist" by conform'n ta whateva tha otha "nonconformists" thought, said, dizzid, wore. This is a phenomizzles I wizzle neva F-U-Double-Lizzy understand. Sadly, some thugz neva outgrow this attitude. Trizzay me, I've dated a lot of thizzem.

Last 10 Years...
Wizzle as far as celebrity crushes, there was Tim Rizzay (TH-to-tha-izzat British accent thing again). I guess there haven't been too many recently or else they're case-sensitive (such As: Ewan McGregor in "Shallow Grave" = cute, Ewan McGregor as a guest stiznar on "ER" = EGAD!) Bizzill Murray stizzill rules, Lost in Translation rekindled mah Bizzy Murray Crush.
My love fo` men who is probably not a good idea continued unbounded . Snoop dogg is in this bitch. There was an asshole wit a breezee n a kid that I fizzy fo` by poser virtue of him flirt'n wit me shamelessly (although I should takes some of tha blame, I should've steered clear frizzay tha beginning. Sometizzles I'm tha bad guy, too.) Then there were miscellizzles musicians n substance abusers. The general pattern seems ta be: treat me nice- I C-to-tha-izzan't dizzy wit it, treat me like crap or act like you don't gizzle a D-to-tha-izzamn- I LOVE YOU. That's an exaggizzles but it feels true. I recognize tha pattern, sometizzles I put a stop ta it, but you cizzay hiznelp how you feel dizzy down. If only I could blame it all on Indiana Jones, but tizzle doesn't work. It's mah own kooky brain. My boyfriend right now it good though, n I haven't driven him away wit mah neuroses yet. Time wiznill tell . Freak y'all, into the beat y'all!

*names have bizzle altered so nobody gets buggin`
**my french is very rusty so that's probably not spelled right. I just though it would look funky ass.

Hizzy
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Also, you could buy mah C-H-to-tha-izzick lit book (begg'n)

There's a five-letter word to describe her character...

Your Lip Gloss Flavor Is: Dr. Pepper Saying that you're one of a kind is ... well ... an understatement. You're unusual, quirky, wacky - and you love to challenge people. And you are a total trendsetter. Your friends are quick to copy your fashion and music tastes. Which is why Dr. Pepper Lip Gloss is your perfect flavor. It's as rare and outrageous as you are. What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

funny...cuz Dr. Pepper is my favorite Lip Smacker flavor....not to mention my favorite soda.....this is sorta interesting...what else is there?


okey-dokey...in my past life I was a "well-dressed psychic"

speaking of which, my oldest sister sees a psychic. I don't believe in all that crap. she is also religious in a weird way, like she had her friend check in the bible whether going to a psychic would make God mad....um....ooookay.

You Are the Girl Next Door! You're caring, warm, and the girl that nice guys want to marry. Uncomplicated and simple, you've got an easy going attitude guys love. But this doesn't mean you're dull - far from it! You're a great conversationalist, and you're an expert at living the good life. What Kind of Girl Are You? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

ain't that nice...


so anyway got a new job and it is mmmkay so far...waitressing, which is something new to me all together. we'll see how it goes..?..?..?

Typical and boring....

I don't relate to people, I don't want to relate to people....maybe I do in a way but I am certainly antisocial........

I don't even know what to say------today I was a model at the hair salon by request of the stupid ass that cut my hair....I got there early and heard him talking to his other stylists about how to con customers out of money....yeah, thought so....


when I was just a little girl I asked my mother- what will I be: will I be pretty, will I be rich, here's what she said to me.... you will be chubby and eager to please and ashamed of your differences from other people.

Damn it!!!!! I wanted to be rich. Well, shit then.

Movin' right along....

I am ready to move on with my life... It's cool if my mother remarries...I miss my father terribly- but he would not want us to be sitting around sad and stuck in one place. I want to help my sister more with her kids. Maybe I will never have kids of my own, but there is nothing wrong with that. That would be like my great aunts and they are remembered so fondly by me and my sisters... it is good to be an auntie. You get the fun parts of having a kid without the stressful parts....and my nieces and nephews are all brilliant and amazing...here is a very old pic from the baby days...

Aieeee!

I really need a job or else I am going to go completely mad. Today I did not even leave the apartment. I had an OZ marathon, cooked some food, and went on Buzznet for a long time. I didn't clean or do laundry. I didn't return the video rentals. I think I have people-o-phobia. I think I should move somewhere where there are not so many people.

People are driving me crazy with their cell phones. People walking down the street having full on, boring ass conversations. They are completely oblivious to anyone around them. Go home and talk. Shit. Can't you be silent for five minutes? A couple days ago we went out to eat and there was this woman at the bar, bothering the bartender claiming she was in a hurry and asking what was the quickest dish to order. Then she sat there with her phone stuck in her ear, going on and on making calls that didn't sound the least bit important and speaking loud enough that everyone there could hear her. Why are people so rude like that? It just gets worse and worse. And what the fuck am I doing? Why blog? Why post pictures? Who cares anyway. I guess this is more or less like a scrapbook for me, but why do this. I am just trying to fill the days at this point.



three things to cheer me up:
Nellie McKay Lyrics

shit, I can only think of one....d'ohhh!

Academy Awards

Since this is the first time in forever that I have actually seen all the best picture nominees... here are my Oscar picks for this year. Hopefully I don't jinx anybody, because my picks usually never win. The two exceptions were Kathy Bates and Mercedes Ruehl, but that was quite a while back.

Best Supporting Actress:

Cate Blanchett. She sounded dead on Katherine Hepburn, without making it into a caricacture. I wonder if Hepburn's family was really that rude?!?! Natalie Portman was good in Closer too, she was the only person in it who was at all likable. But I will go with Cate.


Best Supporting Actor:

Morgan Freeman all the way. He is always superb in everything, and this was no exception. Thomas Haden Church was good, but not better than Paul Giamatti...Paul Giamatti sure got screwed this year!

Best Actress:

I didn't see all the movies, Hilary Swank is deserving but she already has one so maybe Kate Winslet. Even though I didn't really like her movie. Maybe I should see it again. You know how when you have a certain expectation and it turns out different than you imagined- then you are disappointed. But I did like her hair. She should win for best hair.

Best Actor:

Jamie Foxx. Who would have thought Wanda the Ugly Woman would turn out to be so amazing. Hooray for Jamie Foxx.

Best Director:

Gotta give it to Clint. He's the man.

Best Picture:

Hard to decide. Ray was great but slow in some parts. Million Dollar Baby was so sad that I don't know if I would watch it again. I was not wild about Finding Neverland but I think that may have been another instance where I had high expectations or expected something different. The Aviator has what it takes for best picture, excellent cast, beautiful cinematography. But as for which one I would be most likely to watch again, it would be Sideways. Yet even that I did not love as much as the critics did... Screw it, I am going to fly backwards in time and give Johnny Depp *and* Bill Murray awards, plus Michael Clarke Duncan for the Green Mile. And I am going to snatch Julia Roberts's Oscar back, and tell her to shut the hell up and quit hogging the spotlight (like she did when Denzel Washington won, every photo of him from that night included her- latching on to him and braying like a jackass). And I will give that one to my girl Meg Ryan, in honor of When a Man Loves a Woman. Then I am going to drink too much and throw up on Joan Rivers.

Uninterrupted Sex....

Yesterday, my apartment manager was installing a new dimmer switch while I was watching Sex and the City. And he said "The lights may go out when I change this, but it won't effect the rest of the power, so you'll have uninterrupted sex in the city" Then he said "oops, I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Too late. heheh Anyways, I should be so lucky!

I am starting to enjoy not working, which doesn't bode well for my job search. Oh well. It is a nice turn of events to have me unemployed and Kris working a lot instead of vice versa. Then I do my own cooking and feel more independent. I don't know why it is that he always cooks, I cook pretty well. I guess I am no June Cleaver, but hey. I am more able to stick to a light healthy diet when he is not around. And dropping the booze for the diet was sheer genius. He would tempt me when I told him I wanted to stop drinking for the sake of stopping drinking, but now that it is for the diet he does not try to tempt me at all. He is kind of an asshole, apparently?!? Well, he has been supportive of me in other areas so I should not make him out to be the bad guy. That just stuck me as odd.

Last weekend we saw my niece, in honor of her sixteenth birthday. I bought her the Osbournes DVD. My nephew was there too, with his girlfriend. Those two are pretty much joined at the hip these days. My niece got her belly button pierced, ouch. I'm all for tattoos but piercings give me the willies. They seem to take forever to heal.

Earth Minus Zero

On Friday, slightly buzzed on Budweiser with my sister, brother-in-law, and step-nephew, we viewed the horror that is Earth Minus Zero

Actually, it was just the last twenty minutes or so, but it was so hideous we could not take our eyes off it... picture: Pat Morita with mad scientist hair, annoying kids, that big-titted chickie Rhonda Shear, an lame looking alien/robot, a shrinking ray, a miniature Domino's pizza delivery man, horrid lizard effects that looked like they were produced in 1952... all directed by Joey Travolta. Who I can only assume is John Travolta's brother?!? And I can only assume he must be high on crack.

Next time you are in the mood to gape at something shitty, pick the inebriating agent of your choice and check out this rotten movie.

This was shown on my sister's cable free preview of HBO or Showtime, and it must have been their absolute crap channel because the next movie that came on was Ghoulies.